Climate Change Deniers Describe Australian Fires as God’s Punishment for Cats

January 15, 2020 12:58 pm
Climate Change Deniers Describe Australian Fires as God’s Punishment for Cats

DOWN UNDER, AU – Climate change deniers in Australia recently contributed several eyewitness reports, claiming that the wildfires decimating Australia’s wildlife momentarily ceased yesterday to deliver a divine message. The fires, which have proved to be devastating for all but serial arsonists and importers of dried kangaroo meat, have now […]

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To Curb Pollution, Trump Administration Recommends Reusing Condoms

October 9, 2019 12:00 pm
To Curb Pollution, Trump Administration Recommends Reusing Condoms

In a ground-breaking study published Friday morning, the Environmental Protections Agency (EPA) stated that reusing your condoms will prove key to reducing overall plastic and rubber consumption in the coming decades. The report was released amid concerns that there is currently not enough being done to combat climate change in […]

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Attention Earthlings: We Are Now Entering the Umami Phase of the Moon’s Orbit

May 31, 2019 12:00 pm
Attention Earthlings: We Are Now Entering the Umami Phase of the Moon’s Orbit

Waxing sweet, waning sour, new bitter, full salty: we’ve lived with these basic four moon orbit-flavors for our entire lives, and we’re used to them. But far fewer people know of a fifth secret phase, one that only occurs once every two hundred years when the celestial bodies line up […]

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Flipside News in Brief: Georgian Mistresses, AAU Surveys, and Night Rabbits

May 18, 2019 4:49 pm
Georgia State Capitol Building in Atlanta, Georgia, USA.

Georgia Passes de facto Abortion Ban, Exception for Senators’ Mistresses News came last week of a Georgia bill outlawing abortions, a potential challenge to the Supreme Court’s Roe v. Wade ruling. Interestingly, the fine print of the bill includes a single loophole — women ages 18 to 22 working under the […]

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Studies Reveal 97% of Squirrels Born Out of Wedlock

March 20, 2019 8:48 am
Studies Reveal 97% of Squirrels Born Out of Wedlock
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Camp Fire Gets “A Little Out of Hand,” Incinerates West Campus

November 20, 2018 1:00 pm
Camp Fire Gets “A Little Out of Hand,” Incinerates West Campus

According to several recent reports, the Johnson family campfire is “kind of becoming a problem.” What began as a nonthreatening combination of four moist twigs and a fake candle has morphed into “a bit of a national menace, more or less,” according to father Marty Johnson. Johnson admitted to having […]

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