Senator Lindsey Graham caught throwing hands at a baby in an Applebee’s parking lot

October 8, 2018 7:00 pm
Senator Lindsey Graham caught throwing hands at a baby in an Applebee’s parking lot
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FBI Raid Uncovers Michael Cohen’s Extensive Tiny Ballerina Shoe Collection—Not Illegal, Just Kinda Weird

May 28, 2018 12:00 pm
FBI Raid Uncovers Michael Cohen’s Extensive Tiny Ballerina Shoe Collection—Not Illegal, Just Kinda Weird
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Missile Strikes on Syrian Chlorine Factories Leave Assad’s Pool Faintly Piss-Scented

May 8, 2018 3:38 pm
Missile Strikes on Syrian Chlorine Factories Leave Assad’s Pool Faintly Piss-Scented

Several days after President Donald Trump launched several targeted missile strikes against Syrian chlorine facilities in retaliation for Bashar al-Assad’s use of chemical weapons on civilians, news has emerged that the despot’s backyard pool has finally begun to smell vaguely like human piss. “We drew a red line, a big […]

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Congress Grills Mark Zuckerberg: Why Are Millennials So Into Electronic Music?

April 16, 2018 11:59 am
Congress Grills Mark Zuckerberg: Why Are Millennials So Into Electronic Music?

On Tuesday, Mark Zuckerberg appeared in front of the Senate Judiciary and Commerce committees in a long-awaited reckoning for the Facebook CEO. Viewers anticipated the excoriation brought on by the compelling interrogation on Facebook’s loose handling of data and government regulation of tech companies. Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana began […]

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Idiot High School Senior Mistakes Stanford Review for Review of Stanford, Becomes Radicalized

March 5, 2018 1:44 pm
Idiot High School Senior Mistakes Stanford Review for Review of Stanford, Becomes Radicalized

The college application process is hard, and no one knows that better than high school seniors. But when Clark Whitby, of Henry David Thoreau High School’s Class of 2018, tried to find a little online help to clear up his options, a foolish mix-up led him to mistake the Stanford […]

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Fucking Typical: This Millennial Spent All His Money on Avocado Toast and Healthcare

February 22, 2018 3:54 pm
Fucking Typical: This Millennial Spent All His Money on Avocado Toast and Healthcare

No surprises here, folks: just another lazy teenager, sucking dry the plump teat of Lady Liberty. Local millennial Trevor Corks might seem like a good kid on the outside — after all, his parents did their best to raise him right — but a closer look reveals something far uglier […]

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