Trump Opts To Pardon Exclusively White And Affluent Turkeys

December 3, 2018 5:00 pm
Trump Opts To Pardon Exclusively White And Affluent Turkeys

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. Between the gluttonous binging preceding gut-wrenching regret and the inevitable turkey drops that everyone saw coming, the holiday break brought few shockers outside of typical turkey-centric expectations. In the tradition of ceremonial turkey pardons, President Trump shocked no-one in selecting to pardon two White-Anglo-Saxon-Protestant […]

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Wow! Bernie Sanders Said He Doesn’t Like Anchovies and Now Conservatives Are Eating Pound After Pound of Salty Fish

November 22, 2018 1:00 pm
Wow! Bernie Sanders Said He Doesn’t Like Anchovies and Now Conservatives Are Eating Pound After Pound of Salty Fish

With political polarization at a fever pitch, it sometimes feels like there’s no middle ground between Democrats and Republicans. And things are only getting worse, if this latest scandal is any indication — after Senator Bernie Sanders offhandedly mentioned that he doesn’t like anchovies, America’s conservatives have taken it upon […]

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Colorblind Democrat Insists Coming “Grey Wave” Will Sweep Midterms, Turn Grey States Grey

November 5, 2018 7:00 pm
Colorblind Democrat Insists Coming “Grey Wave” Will Sweep Midterms, Turn Grey States Grey
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Ballot Filled Out with #2½ Pencil Forces Entire Electoral District to Retake SAT

7:00 pm
Ballot Filled Out with #2½ Pencil Forces Entire Electoral District to Retake SAT

Tragedy struck on Election Day when longtime Atlanta resident and law-abiding citizen Dave Murphy filled out his voting ballot with a #2½ pencil instead of the mandatory #2, resulting in a cataclysmic chain of events that left three dead and many more injured. Murphy, who had driven that afternoon to […]

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Campus Poll Reveals Spookiest Halloween Monsters are Trump Administration, Ghouls

October 29, 2018 7:00 pm
Campus Poll Reveals Spookiest Halloween Monsters are Trump Administration, Ghouls
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Trump Mistakes Stormy Daniels For All the Other Horses He’s Fucked

October 23, 2018 10:00 am
Trump Mistakes Stormy Daniels For All the Other Horses He’s Fucked

Media outlets derided Donald Trump after he referred to adult actress Stormy Daniels as “Horseface” on Twitter. President Trump has clarified the confusion, assuring the public that he was in fact referencing a different ex-lover from the late nineties. “There was this Clydesdale – gorgeous, with great tits, even better […]

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