Board of Trustees Declare Commitment to Treating All Communities with Respect, Especially Fossil Fuel Companies

June 23, 2020 11:38 pm
Board of Trustees Declare Commitment to Treating All Communities with Respect, Especially Fossil Fuel Companies

In response to calls for the university to divest from various interests in the fossil fuel industry, the Stanford Board of Trustees recently reaffirmed their commitment to the support of marginalized communities, noting that one such community is found among companies related to the fossil fuel industry, which comprise only […]

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Report: Hundreds of Catalytic Converters Found in MTL’s Basement

11:33 pm
Report: Hundreds of Catalytic Converters Found in MTL’s Basement

In a press conference earlier this week, just days before the end of the school year, authorities announced the long-awaited conclusion of their ongoing investigation into the series of catalytic converter thefts that have left campus puzzled since summer 2019. The perp? Stanford President Marc Tessier-Lavigne himself. “It’s always the […]

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Smirking Trustee announces that there’s nothing anyone can do — they already spent all Stanford’s money on buying one enormous monster truck that can only be fueled with the burnt remnants of rare Amazonian trees

June 22, 2020 3:11 pm
Smirking Trustee announces that there’s nothing anyone can do — they already spent all Stanford’s money on buying one enormous monster truck that can only be fueled with the burnt remnants of rare Amazonian trees
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Stanford Admins Exasperated at Having to Send Yet Another Fucking Email About Current Events

3:10 pm
Stanford Admins Exasperated at Having to Send Yet Another Fucking Email About Current Events
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Provost Drell Confronts Racial Injustice with Sock Puppetry

3:03 pm
Provost Drell Confronts Racial Injustice with Sock Puppetry

Responding to the protests that have emerged in the wake of George Floyd’s death, Provost Drell’s latest email to the Stanford community featured a number of Stanford administrators giving voice to various civil rights leaders in sock puppet form, such as Susie Brubaker Cole as Rosa Parks, Marc Tessier-Lavigne as […]

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Statement of Ambivalence from White ASSU Leadership

June 1, 2020 5:00 pm
Statement of Ambivalence from White ASSU Leadership

Dear Stanford Community, As you know, many events impacting the Black community at Stanford and nationwide have recently taken place, from professors exercising their freedoms of speech to Zoom-bombings, and now the outbreak of protests originating in Minneapolis. We, the white leadership of the ASSU, are writing you today to […]

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