After a lifetime of embarrassingly low transmissibility, a young herpes virus finally proved his worth last night at Full Moon on the Quad.
Up until Wednesday night, Herman had not infected anyone, and as his peers of diverse diseases diffused out in the world and accumulated bodies, it became clear to friends and family that this particular virus was developmentally delayed. His parents tried to pry with personal questions, hoping to hear that their progeny virus had explored any relationship with a human, and the constant “no” began to worry them.
“I don’t even care if he chooses to be with a girl or a boy” the virus’ mother stressed to us at Flipside, “I just want to see Herman happy and hitting the right milestones for his age. I wouldn’t use the word ‘failure’ in front of him but… my friend’s kid is the same age and has already infected 28 people!”
However, everything changed when the young virus stumbled upon Stanford’s slobberiest tradition, Full Moon on the Quad.
Herman unintentionally showed up on the doorstep of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be at an event with more saliva production than a dentist office and daycare combined. In just one hour, the young herpes virus infected 302 people, and came home a legend.
“It’s amazing! I’ve never felt so respected by the other viruses. Every time I go out, I’m getting all these pats on the envelope and high-glycoproteins,” Herman noted. “I was too self-conscious before, I just needed to put myself out there and make the first move— getting around really is in my DNA.”
The infectious disease community is honoring the young virus in a celebration later this month, running with the inspiring story that, even for those who seem behind, the world of opportunity can change in an instant, faster than you can say “incubation period.”
