Report: Vivid Incest Dreams Totally Normal, Everybody Else is Having Them Too

May 12, 2020 4:34 pm
Report: Vivid Incest Dreams Totally Normal, Everybody Else is Having Them Too
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Op-Ed: The One Upside of Zoom University? Not Getting Punched Every Time I Tell Dr. Martin He Doesn’t Deserve Tenure

4:14 pm
Op-Ed: The One Upside of Zoom University? Not Getting Punched Every Time I Tell Dr. Martin He Doesn’t Deserve Tenure

Sure, it’s a little scary to see Dr. Martin on Zoom with his face shrouded and voice gravelly, talking about the death of all good things. Sure, it’s concerning to see him go on wild tangents about his third ex-wife or the time he lived as a sex worker in […]

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Op-Ed: My Internship at NASA Was Cancelled So I’m Going to Poach Elephant Ivory in The Orient, Instead

May 11, 2020 9:11 pm
Op-Ed: My Internship at NASA Was Cancelled So I’m Going to Poach Elephant Ivory in The Orient, Instead

I got a job at NASA for the summer. You wouldn’t have heard about it, it was a secret internship where you had to crack a code on their website and then you could find out how to apply. And when I showed up for the interview I gave them […]

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Op-Ed: My Super Exclusive Internship with NASA Was Just Cancelled So I Guess I’m Stuck Slumming It in My Huge London Flat

9:10 pm
Op-Ed: My Super Exclusive Internship with NASA Was Just Cancelled So I Guess I’m Stuck Slumming It in My Huge London Flat

So there I was, just sitting in my trophy room in my super big house where all the celebrities live just watching ESPN’s top 10 plays from my little league season back in ’07 when the president of nasa snapchats me that my exclusive internship this summer is cancelled cause […]

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Op-Ed: I Was Going to Work at NASA and Now I Am Not, But I Was Going To and I Am Smart

9:08 pm
Op-Ed: I Was Going to Work at NASA and Now I Am Not, But I Was Going To and I Am Smart

I’m just writing this so all of you know that, even though I won’t be working at NASA this summer, I was totally going to. Just to be clear, I was chosen from a very large applicant pool of hot geniuses because I am the best. And also, I am […]

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Op-Ed: I Had the NASA Internship Where They Make Me the Astronaut, But Then It Got Canceled Because of Coronavirus

9:07 pm
Op-Ed: I Had the NASA Internship Where They Make Me the Astronaut, But Then It Got Canceled Because of Coronavirus

Okay, I’m pissed. One month ago, I had this summer all figured out: women, white claw, and the most prestigious NASA internship that they have, where they make me the big astronaut who goes up into space with the fast rocket ships. But thanks to this “corono virus,” there will […]

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