An Open Letter to the Degenerate Fuckstick who Stole our Box of Flipside Prints

February 4, 2019 7:00 pm
An Open Letter to the Degenerate Fuckstick who Stole our Box of Flipside Prints

You rodent. You scum. You absolute filth. You just had to do it, didn’t you. Yes, you—the one wearing the rolled up canvas capris, the ‘Camp Stanford’ t-shirt, a baby blue Aeropostale jacket, glasses with no lenses, and a stickered Hydroflask in your hand. We know what you did, and you […]

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Dear 106A Section Leader: Karel Took My Virginity and I Think I’m Falling for Her

January 28, 2019 7:00 pm
Dear 106A Section Leader: Karel Took My Virginity and I Think I’m Falling for Her

Dear Scott, I know you’ve only been my section leader for a couple of weeks, but you’re the only one I feel comfortable talking to about this. Something happened last night, in the wet darkness of my dorm room while my roommate slept, blissfully unaware. I was writing code in […]

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Op-Ed: We Need Kardinal Normal Sex

December 3, 2018 7:00 pm
Op-Ed: We Need Kardinal Normal Sex

It’s hard to be a vanilla, cisgender, heterosexual woman or man at Stanford University in 2018, when it feels more and more like the queers and kinksters are taking over—not only discourse on gender and identity or aspects of media and culture, but even sweet, simple act of intercourse itself.  […]

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Op-Ed: I’m a Real Person Just Like You, I Just Eat Other People

October 28, 2018 11:59 am
Op-Ed: I’m a Real Person Just Like You, I Just Eat Other People

I’m sick of being discriminated against. It’s no secret that it can be hard to be members of certain demographics on Stanford’s campus. I understand, I really do, that some people just don’t agree with certain opinions—and I fully believe in their right to say so. But damn it, I’ve […]

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Op-Ed: My Classmates Keep Playing Devil’s Advocate. I Want to Play God’s Advocate.

October 8, 2018 7:00 pm
Op-Ed: My Classmates Keep Playing Devil’s Advocate. I Want to Play God’s Advocate.

Every class I’m in, there always seems to be someone at hand to advocate for the will of Satan. And quite frankly? I’ve had enough of the imbalance. If everyone else is going to keep playing Devil’s Advocate, then it’s high time I play God’s. The Lord has a place […]

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A Senior Farewell

June 5, 2018 2:06 pm
A Senior Farewell

Fuck you! That’s right, do you really think we value you as a reader? We don’t. We never have, and we never will. You’re just meat–a lopsided globule of flesh with a level of consciousness barely adequate for understanding our comedy slop. You struggle with puzzles designed for children, you […]

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