June 23, 2020 11:31 pm

Corporation PR Departments Puzzled by Possibility of Being Black and Queer at Same Time Public Relations departments across the nation have been befuddled by the synchronicity of Pride Month and the George Floyd protests as the standards for appearing “woke” seem to change each minute. The manager of Wendy’s Twitter […]

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Bike Left on Campus Gets Struck by Lightning and Gains Sentience — But Slowly Goes Insane Because It is Chained Outside to a Sign-pole and Cannot Escape

June 22, 2020 3:09 pm
Bike Left on Campus Gets Struck by Lightning and Gains Sentience — But Slowly Goes Insane Because It is Chained Outside to a Sign-pole and Cannot Escape

He calls himself Nork. A rusting grey Schwinn, he sits day after day under a stop-sign outside of the Hoover institution. The bicycle, once a blissfully inanimate pedestrian hazard, was struck by lightning during a rare thunderstorm on Stanford’s campus in early May. “I felt a sort of naughty tingling […]

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Car Won’t Start, Loser? Try Fucking It!

3:08 pm
Car Won’t Start, Loser? Try Fucking It!

Fuck you! You fucking shit! That’s right, fuck you, you big baby! You whiny little baby, crying about how your car won’t start—you are pathetic. You are dumb and a nerd. But it’s okay, loser! Step one to fixing your car is to fuck it. Roll down your sad loser […]

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Porn Site Releases New “Step-Daughter Teaches Racist Step-Uncle About Slavery and The Legacy of Anti-Black Racism in the US” Video Series to Educate White People About Racial Disparities in American Society

3:06 pm
Porn Site Releases New “Step-Daughter Teaches Racist Step-Uncle About Slavery and The Legacy of Anti-Black Racism in the US” Video Series to Educate White People About Racial Disparities in American Society

Protests have recently erupted all across the United States as the structural forces upholding racism in American society were laid bare once again by the murders of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd. This has prompted some white Americans to critically re-examine their relationship to racial privilege, but many […]

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Provost Drell Confronts Racial Injustice with Sock Puppetry

3:03 pm
Provost Drell Confronts Racial Injustice with Sock Puppetry

Responding to the protests that have emerged in the wake of George Floyd’s death, Provost Drell’s latest email to the Stanford community featured a number of Stanford administrators giving voice to various civil rights leaders in sock puppet form, such as Susie Brubaker Cole as Rosa Parks, Marc Tessier-Lavigne as […]

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Statement of Ambivalence from White ASSU Leadership

June 1, 2020 5:00 pm
Statement of Ambivalence from White ASSU Leadership

Dear Stanford Community, As you know, many events impacting the Black community at Stanford and nationwide have recently taken place, from professors exercising their freedoms of speech to Zoom-bombings, and now the outbreak of protests originating in Minneapolis. We, the white leadership of the ASSU, are writing you today to […]

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