Op-Ed: How ‘Bout That Bar Mitzvah Way Up at the Capitol, Eh?

Boy, that bar mitzvah really looked like something, eh? You know, the…

Cashier in publix forcefully stops man (me) from shoving an entire iced bundt cake down my throat in a crime of passion

“I hate and I love. Why do I do this, perhaps you…

Op-ed: If we shared a pond, I would not share fishing rights

I was once a fish, but then I went to war. Terrible…

Op-Ed: “Masticate” is a Stupid-Ass Word

Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, sickos. I know that “masticate”, another word…

Several thousand page Brexit document sent to Brussels for finalization turns out to be intricately drawn Phineas and Ferb hentai

With the turn of the new year the five year Brexit deal…

Fuck You, We Aren’t Going to Write About the Coup

Hey, you—yeah, you! The jackoff with the ear that looks like a…

Breaking: Interior Designers May Have Been Among Capitol Rioters in Hopes of Breaking In, Redecorating

According to inside sources, interior designer Michelle Lin and a rowdy collection…

Frosh Come to California to Find Moat, Series of Sadistic Obstacles Barring Entry to Campus

Stanford Administration shocked the community last week when President and Gamemaker Marc…

Op-Ed: Trump’s Not Special, I’ve Refused to Concede the Presidency Since 2009 When I Ran at My Local Elementary School

Pah! These simpletons up on Capitol Hill, running around like chickens with…

Dear Abby: My polygamous family is falling apart! What should I do??

Oh man, where to even begin. What was once a happy family…