Op-Ed: To Ensure My Vote Counts I Nailed A Copy of My Ballot to Every Door in My State Capitol

October 6, 2020 3:04 pm
Op-Ed: To Ensure My Vote Counts I Nailed A Copy of My Ballot to Every Door in My State Capitol

You heard me right. With all the damn kerfuffle around ballots and voting for the upcoming election I wasn’t going to trust any of those corporate puppets in the mail industry or “ballot” workers at my “local” episcopal church to get “the” job done. That’s right—this year, I’m not taking […]

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Government Returns Stolen Mailboxes With Teeth, Sentience

3:02 pm
Government Returns Stolen Mailboxes With Teeth, Sentience

Following the mysterious removal of post office boxes across the nation, the government released a statement saying that they had reinstated all of the missing mailboxes “along with some vital upgrades, including but not limited to a full set of canines, molars and incisors.” Citizens quickly noticed some of the […]

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I Was Going to Let My Daughter Draw on Our Walls So She Could Express Herself, But Her Composition Was Shit and She Clearly Doesn’t Grasp Proper Symmetry So I Bleached the Walls

3:00 pm
I Was Going to Let My Daughter Draw on Our Walls So She Could Express Herself, But Her Composition Was Shit and She Clearly Doesn’t Grasp Proper Symmetry So I Bleached the Walls

My daughter somehow found the crayon set I bought when I decided a few weeks ago that I’d draw the next Mona Lisa when I got around to it, right after I finished winning the world championships in darts and won the Nobel Prize in Medicine and also Darts. Seeing […]

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Canvas hit with lawsuit over constant emails, deemed cyberstalking

2:57 pm
Canvas hit with lawsuit over constant emails, deemed cyberstalking

Students all across the Stanford community have filed a class action lawsuit against the Canvas app for cyberstalking, due to “repeated, unwanted, intrusive, and frightening communications” from the university website.  The lawsuit follows widespread agreement that Canvas meets the criteria of stalking, constantly contacting students and causing “substantial emotional distress.” […]

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Op-ed: I’m a School Shooter and Zoom Is Making Things Somewhat Inconvenient

September 27, 2020 12:24 am
Op-ed: I’m a School Shooter and Zoom Is Making Things Somewhat Inconvenient

Hey, my name is Kolin. I’m what the FBI database calls “a middle-class, lonely/alienated, awkward, Caucasian male who had access to guns.” I wake up and listen to “Pumped Up Kicks” 47 times every morning, and I have a deep sense of rage and entitlement that makes me think making […]

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Mastermind Frosh Taking Fifteen Lecture Series at Same Time

12:23 am
Mastermind Frosh Taking Fifteen Lecture Series at Same Time

The Flipside recently had the great privilege of interviewing Brett Pham, a frosh whose claim to fame in the virtual Stanford community consists of taking fifteen one-unit classes at the same time. Pham, who is known in his hometown for subtly bringing up his SAT score, described to us how […]

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