Op-ed: I’m An Athlete and I Am Cognizant About How to Utilize A Thesaurus to Make Myself Appear Lettered and Also More Cerebral

As an athlete at Leland Stamford Junior University, I am unequivocally incensed…

Op-Ed: One Time an Athlete in a Golf Cart Ran Over My Dog and When I Asked Him to Apologize He Laughed and Ran Over My Cat

My tale begins way back when I was a wee frosh, I…

Op-Ed: The Daily and the FoHo are Fucking Narcs

You seeing this shit? The shit where every publication on campus except…

Op-Ed: How ‘Bout That Bar Mitzvah Way Up at the Capitol, Eh?

Boy, that bar mitzvah really looked like something, eh? You know, the…

Cashier in publix forcefully stops man (me) from shoving an entire iced bundt cake down my throat in a crime of passion

“I hate and I love. Why do I do this, perhaps you…

Op-ed: If we shared a pond, I would not share fishing rights

I was once a fish, but then I went to war. Terrible…

Op-Ed: “Masticate” is a Stupid-Ass Word

Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, sickos. I know that “masticate”, another word…

Several thousand page Brexit document sent to Brussels for finalization turns out to be intricately drawn Phineas and Ferb hentai

With the turn of the new year the five year Brexit deal…

Fuck You, We Aren’t Going to Write About the Coup

Hey, you—yeah, you! The jackoff with the ear that looks like a…

Breaking: Interior Designers May Have Been Among Capitol Rioters in Hopes of Breaking In, Redecorating

According to inside sources, interior designer Michelle Lin and a rowdy collection…