“Disappointment” Herpes Virus Finally Gets His Big Break

After a lifetime of embarrassingly low transmissibility, a young herpes virus finally…

Viennese Ball Uncovered as Plot to Capture Prince Charming

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Stanford University’s annual Winter Quarter dance, the Viennese…

Punxsutawney Phil takes “Erika Kirk” approach to Groundhog Day announcement

After his wife, Phyllis, was assassinated last month at a TSUSA (Turning…

Punxsutawney Phil Sees Shadow, Doesn’t Realize He’s in Plato’s Cave Allegory

This weekend, nationally-renowned groundhog Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow and predicted six…

JUUL Releases Milk-Flavored Vapes for Infants

After banning flavors like mango, crème, and cucumber, due to deep investigations…

Lorem Ipsum Finally Translated, And It Is Shockingly Problematic

“Lorem Ipsum” the classic filler text on digital writing templates has finally…

Man Struggles with Diagnosis of Narcoleptic Sperm

Lorraine and John, a local couple trying to get pregnant, have recently…