Articles by: Gracie Newman

Steinbeck Wins Creative Writing Prize Posthumously for Eightieth Year in Row

June 10, 2019 3:00 pmComments Off on Steinbeck Wins Creative Writing Prize Posthumously for Eightieth Year in Row
Steinbeck Wins Creative Writing Prize Posthumously for Eightieth Year in Row

The Stanford English Department has announced that, for the eighth straight decade, John Ernest Steinbeck Jr. has won the less-than-competitive fiction prize awarded to a marginally literate undergraduate every year. “We were really struck by his submission ‘The Vigilante,’” said one judge. “His nuanced and thoughtful treatment of themes such […]

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Average Stanford Student Adversity Score Somehow in the Negatives

May 31, 2019 12:00 pmComments Off on Average Stanford Student Adversity Score Somehow in the Negatives
Average Stanford Student Adversity Score Somehow in the Negatives

Researchers were shocked to discover that the average Stanford student scores a -3.4 on the SAT’s recently-introduced adversity scale. “It’s just bonkers,” said one College Board representative. “We didn’t even know that there could be scores below zero.” Formally known as the Environmental Context Dashboard, the new adversity score system […]

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Flipside News in Brief: Georgian Mistresses, AAU Surveys, and Night Rabbits

May 18, 2019 4:49 pmComments Off on Flipside News in Brief: Georgian Mistresses, AAU Surveys, and Night Rabbits
Georgia State Capitol Building in Atlanta, Georgia, USA.

Georgia Passes de facto Abortion Ban, Exception for Senators’ Mistresses News came last week of a Georgia bill outlawing abortions, a potential challenge to the Supreme Court’s Roe v. Wade ruling. Interestingly, the fine print of the bill includes a single loophole — women ages 18 to 22 working under the […]

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Dear Abby, My Roommate Built a Guillotine and I’m Worried He’s Going to Execute Me

May 7, 2019 7:00 pmComments Off on Dear Abby, My Roommate Built a Guillotine and I’m Worried He’s Going to Execute Me
Dear Abby, My Roommate Built a Guillotine and I’m Worried He’s Going to Execute Me

Dear Abby, Abby, you sexy omniscient bitch, I’m worried. My roommate hasn’t changed out of his robe for a week because—according to him— “Robespierre doesn’t wear peasant clothes.” He’s built a guillotine in the middle of our one-room double, all eleven feet high of solid oak and shining steel, and […]

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A Royal Decree from DavidMan to the Stanford Community

April 16, 2019 7:00 pmComments Off on A Royal Decree from DavidMan to the Stanford Community
A Royal Decree from DavidMan to the Stanford Community

To Our Loyal Constituents  Serfs, We, the DavidMan, have deigned to take valuable time out of our day to address the peasantry; so hear our words, and take heed. It has come to our attention that we completely and utterly dominated the recent ASSU election in a landslide vote — the […]

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Sailing Team Bribery Scandal Actually Cover Up for Black Market Organ Operation

March 20, 2019 8:46 amComments Off on Sailing Team Bribery Scandal Actually Cover Up for Black Market Organ Operation
Sailing Team Bribery Scandal Actually Cover Up for Black Market Organ Operation

Thanks to an anonymous tipster known only by the initials MTL, the Flipside has acquired substantial evidence that the Stanford sailing team’s recent racketeering scandal was in fact only a scheme meant to hide its true crimes. The sailors themselves planted the evidence that ultimately lead to federal accusations of […]

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In a Powerful Lecture at CEMEX Auditorium, Dinesh D’Souza Illustrates Holocaust with Sock Puppets

March 4, 2019 7:00 pmComments Off on In a Powerful Lecture at CEMEX Auditorium, Dinesh D’Souza Illustrates Holocaust with Sock Puppets
In a Powerful Lecture at CEMEX Auditorium, Dinesh D’Souza Illustrates Holocaust with Sock Puppets

Invited by the respected hate group known as the Stanford College Republicans, guest speaker and mild fascist Dinesh D’Souza made his fourth appearance at the Farm on Friday. In an artful and avant-garde performance, D’Souza used homemade sock puppets to produce a musical comedy about the Holocaust complete with colorful […]

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Student Without Summer Plans Just Going to Wait Tables, Maybe Die

February 11, 2019 7:00 pmComments Off on Student Without Summer Plans Just Going to Wait Tables, Maybe Die
Student Without Summer Plans Just Going to Wait Tables, Maybe Die

Saturday night, Stanford junior Jack Mehogg was reportedly distraught after being officially rejected from every single summer internship, grant, and job for which he applied. This development was the last element in a tragic sequence of events, one which started with birth and concluded the moment he opened that final, […]

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Flipside Special Report: Super Bowl LIEs

February 4, 2019 12:00 pmComments Off on Flipside Special Report: Super Bowl LIEs
Flipside Special Report: Super Bowl LIEs

In what is news for many LA residents who did not previously realize they had a football team, the Rams and Patriots will face off in the 2019 Super Bowl LII which will take place this Sunday. The game, which will generate millions of dollars in revenue and leave at […]

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TSA Agents Forced into Life of Crime

January 22, 2019 7:00 pmComments Off on TSA Agents Forced into Life of Crime
TSA Agents Forced into Life of Crime

In the midst of what is now the longest government shutdown in history, the Flipside has discovered that some members of the Transportation Security Administration have turned to a life a crime in order to get by without their wages. “Our manager has started stealing stuff from people’s backpacks in […]

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