Dr. Melinda Skork, director of Counseling and Psychological Services, announced Monday that the student support program will begin transitioning into a men’s accessory store this year. “After much deliberation and amid ongoing funding issues, the University has concluded that what would most cost-effectively help students prosper is a high-end haberdashery,” […]

Brett Michael Kavanaugh – leader, patriot, lifetime celibate. In an exclusive interview with The Flipside, the newest Supreme Court Justice clears the air about some of the pesky controversies surrounding his recent appointment. The Honorable Judge began our conversation with an emphatic declaration: “I have never had sex. I’ve never […]

In breaking news, Dean Richard Shaw has revealed information on Stanford’s first admissions mistake. Spoiler: it’s you. The proclamation has left thousands of other students relieved, as they are now assured of their place at America’s most prestigious university, after Harvard, probably.   “After poring over admissions records, we’ve concluded […]

STANFORD, CA – Claiming that he just couldn’t handle the secrecy anymore, Serra resident advisor Wes Weake has admitted that his infamous alcohol abuse is only a ruse he came up with to hide his addiction to La Croix. He came forward only after three freshman residents stumbled across him […]

After convening for their fist meeting of the year on October 27th, the Faculty Senate revealed a shocking statistic that as much as 50% of the student population are under the naive and misguided impression that the faculty care for their wellbeing. In between vague promises to implement more diversity […]

Looking to their favorite faculty member, adjunct professor and soon to be homeless Elizabeth Emula, for guidance, Stanford students Alexa Ante ’19 and William Woolf ’20 decided last week to begin circulating a petition for RD&E to replace the unreliable soft serve machines in Wilbur Dining. “Working ice cream machines […]

In a devastating turn of events this weekend, sources report that sophomore Jacob Keller has finally come to the conclusion that he is too ugly for even the most eager of tourists to photograph while touring campus. Following this revelation, the chemical engineering major found it impossible to walk to […]