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“Disappointment” Herpes Virus Finally Gets His Big Break

After a lifetime of embarrassingly low transmissibility, a young herpes virus finally…

Punxsutawney Phil Sees Shadow, Doesn’t Realize He’s in Plato’s Cave Allegory

This weekend, nationally-renowned groundhog Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow and predicted six…

JUUL Releases Milk-Flavored Vapes for Infants

After banning flavors like mango, crème, and cucumber, due to deep investigations…

Rubber Ducky on Jeep Dashboard Wonders If There’s More to Life Than This

Man Struggles with Diagnosis of Narcoleptic Sperm

Lorraine and John, a local couple trying to get pregnant, have recently…

This Halloween, Stanford Furry Club Dresses Up as People

Stanford’s Furry Club embraced the unexpected—donning costumes of hoodies and jeans, they…

Local Ghost Does Not Appreciate Couple Fucking In The Computer Cluster

It’s that time of year again: the crows caw ominously, bats make…