Study: Young Men Who Play Violent, Serpentine Video Games More Likely to Eat Lots of Apples, Grow Incrementally Longer

May 17, 2020 11:44 am
Study: Young Men Who Play Violent, Serpentine Video Games More Likely to Eat Lots of Apples, Grow Incrementally Longer

A new study by the Stanford psychology department appears to confirm parents’ worst fears when it comes to letting their children play violent video games. After exposing a group of young men to one such game, the team of scientists identified a significant uptick in the subject’s likelihood of eating […]

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My NASA internship at NASA was cancelled from corono virus, and now i’l never know if want to eat the moon or fuck it

May 11, 2020 9:13 pm
My NASA internship at NASA was cancelled from corono virus, and now i’l never know if want to eat the moon or fuck it
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NASA doesn’t know that there’s a bunch of rocks spinning towards the earth gonna kill us all now that they don’t have summer interns anymore and they spend all their time inside from the corono virus instead of outside looking at the sky

9:12 pm
NASA doesn’t know that there’s a bunch of rocks spinning towards the earth gonna kill us all now that they don’t have summer interns anymore and they spend all their time inside from the corono virus instead of outside looking at the sky
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Professor’s Virtual Background Briefly Disappears to Reveal Dallas, TX in the Fall of ‘63

April 26, 2020 10:58 am
Professor’s Virtual Background Briefly Disappears to Reveal Dallas, TX in the Fall of ‘63

An online session of ‘MATH 84: Non-Sequential Arrays’ conducted through Zoom video-conferencing was briefly interrupted on Monday after the virtual background Prof. Jess Samell had been using disappeared for a moment, revealing that he was actually in downtown Dallas, Texas during the fall of 1963. “It was pretty distracting,” said […]

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Turnips Are Doing Fine This Season, Says Farmer Bob

April 24, 2020 4:48 pm
Turnips Are Doing Fine This Season, Says Farmer Bob

Georgia farmer Bob Walker confirmed last Wednesday that his turnip crop is doing well this year. Walker, who owns a 300-acre plot ninety miles southeast of Atlanta, has experienced no significant disruptions or boons to his farm in the past few months. “Everything’s pretty much how it was same time […]

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Aspiring Serial Killer Frustrated That All the Coolest MO’s Already Taken

April 18, 2020 11:12 am
Aspiring Serial Killer Frustrated That All the Coolest MO’s Already Taken

Furrowing his brow, aspiring serial killer Joseph Michael Evans expressed frustration earlier today that all the best modus operandi for systematic mass murders have already been claimed. “Some aesthetic or symbolic consistency would be nice, but all the cool ideas have been used up!” Evans sighed. “The Greenwich Slasher has […]

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