Man Who Kidnapped Transients and Locked Them in Sadistic Puzzle-Room Frustrated That They’ve Yet to Come Together as a Team

January 24, 2020 10:15 am
Man Who Kidnapped Transients and Locked Them in Sadistic Puzzle-Room Frustrated That They’ve Yet to Come Together as a Team

Furrowing his brow and putting his head in his hands with an exasperated sigh, area sadist Daryll Corne was forced to admit to himself earlier this evening that the transients he’d kidnapped and forced to participate in a deadly puzzle-room in his basement had yet to come together as a […]

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Stanford Justifies Campus Expansion as “Reclaiming Promised Lands” Gifted to Dying Leland Stanford Jr. by God Himself

November 20, 2019 9:48 pm
Stanford Justifies Campus Expansion as “Reclaiming Promised Lands” Gifted to Dying Leland Stanford Jr. by God Himself

“This is what we’ve been training for, folks!” Harry Elam Jr. barked to the phalanxes of engineering students lined up before him. Stepping down as Vice Provost for Undergraduate Education had cleared up a good bit of time for Elam to become chief tactician for the glorious Stanford Empire, and […]

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Five Days After Young Boy Reported Missing Within “Comfy Chair,” Body Recovered

May 7, 2019 7:00 pm
Five Days After Young Boy Reported Missing Within “Comfy Chair,” Body Recovered

Five days after the shocking news that area preteen Cody Parks had gone missing within the so-called “Comfy Chair” at a local coffee shop, authorities have finally recovered the thirteen-year-old’s body from the depths of the cushioned recliner. Reports claim the rescue effort was delayed when their hydraulic “Jaws of […]

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Film Studies Major Writing Thesis on Shower Thots 4

March 11, 2019 7:00 pm
Casual happy woman writing e mail in a tablet pc on line sitting in a desk at home with a homey background

Stanford undergraduate Senior Mandy Thompson is reportedly writing her capstone thesis for the Film and Media Studies major on a production called “Shower Thots 4”, a modestly budgeted but well-received 2015 adult movie. The thesis is still in progress, but when completed will contain a complete analysis of all the […]

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Hysterical Man on Stage Wants to Tell You About His Dick

March 7, 2019 7:00 pm
Hysterical Man on Stage Wants to Tell You About His Dick

A hysterical man was spotted on stage this past weekend with a microphone screaming at audience members about his private parts. When asked why he was doing this, the man simply said “It’s a joke!” and kept berating people in the front row for looking at him funny. He went […]

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Queso Crisis: Exhausted Cheese Grating Waiter Still Waiting for a “When”

February 25, 2019 11:59 am
Queso Crisis: Exhausted Cheese Grating Waiter Still Waiting for a “When”

It all began with senior Zoe Baldoro, a delicious bowl of gnocchi cooked to perfection, and a tasteful Chianti on the side. As she began to gleefully dig into the pasta, the waiter rushed over with a block of perfectly wrapped parmesan and asked her whether she wanted any on […]

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