Articles by: Ben Harley Davidson

Op-Ed: Yikes! I Accidentally Joined My Professor’s Divorce Zoom Call and Now I Have to Act Like His Emotionally Traumatized, Estranged Daughter So He Doesn’t Lose His House

October 16, 2020 12:55 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: Yikes! I Accidentally Joined My Professor’s Divorce Zoom Call and Now I Have to Act Like His Emotionally Traumatized, Estranged Daughter So He Doesn’t Lose His House
Business people having online meeting. Group of men and woman having a video conference over a laptop.

Uh oh! When my linguistics professor sent out an email with only a zoom link, it seems like I was the only one in class who wasn’t savvy enough to cotton onto this being his divorce settlement for him and his ex-wife. Caught off-guard and caught in the middle, it […]

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The LORD Divideth Not the Rind from the Flesh. So Sayeth the LORD, Eat the Watermelon in Whole.

12:42 pmComments Off on The LORD Divideth Not the Rind from the Flesh. So Sayeth the LORD, Eat the Watermelon in Whole.
The LORD Divideth Not the Rind from the Flesh. So Sayeth the LORD, Eat the Watermelon in Whole.

As it is written in the Scripture, the LORD maketh all the Fruits of the Land, from the Grape of the Vineyard to the Apple of the Eye, and He forgetteth not the Watermelon, most Round and Large of all the Fruits. The Watermelon groweth from the Vine, and it […]

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I Was Going to Let My Daughter Draw on Our Walls So She Could Express Herself, But Her Composition Was Shit and She Clearly Doesn’t Grasp Proper Symmetry So I Bleached the Walls

October 6, 2020 3:00 pmComments Off on I Was Going to Let My Daughter Draw on Our Walls So She Could Express Herself, But Her Composition Was Shit and She Clearly Doesn’t Grasp Proper Symmetry So I Bleached the Walls
I Was Going to Let My Daughter Draw on Our Walls So She Could Express Herself, But Her Composition Was Shit and She Clearly Doesn’t Grasp Proper Symmetry So I Bleached the Walls

My daughter somehow found the crayon set I bought when I decided a few weeks ago that I’d draw the next Mona Lisa when I got around to it, right after I finished winning the world championships in darts and won the Nobel Prize in Medicine and also Darts. Seeing […]

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Mastermind Frosh Taking Fifteen Lecture Series at Same Time

September 27, 2020 12:23 amComments Off on Mastermind Frosh Taking Fifteen Lecture Series at Same Time
Mastermind Frosh Taking Fifteen Lecture Series at Same Time

The Flipside recently had the great privilege of interviewing Brett Pham, a frosh whose claim to fame in the virtual Stanford community consists of taking fifteen one-unit classes at the same time. Pham, who is known in his hometown for subtly bringing up his SAT score, described to us how […]

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Simulation Reveals That in World Without COVID-19, Your Mom Still Fucked the Mailman

September 21, 2020 5:00 amComments Off on Simulation Reveals That in World Without COVID-19, Your Mom Still Fucked the Mailman
Simulation Reveals That in World Without COVID-19, Your Mom Still Fucked the Mailman

After it became clear that many frosh wouldn’t see a speck of Cardinal Red in the flesh this quarter, a team of tech-savvy students developed a virtual reality program that autonomously simulates what your life would have been like on a campus without COVID-19. “It uses deep learning or something,” […]

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Car Won’t Start, Loser? Try Fucking It!

June 22, 2020 3:08 pmComments Off on Car Won’t Start, Loser? Try Fucking It!
Car Won’t Start, Loser? Try Fucking It!

Fuck you! You fucking shit! That’s right, fuck you, you big baby! You whiny little baby, crying about how your car won’t start—you are pathetic. You are dumb and a nerd. But it’s okay, loser! Step one to fixing your car is to fuck it. Roll down your sad loser […]

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Provost Drell Confronts Racial Injustice with Sock Puppetry

3:03 pmComments Off on Provost Drell Confronts Racial Injustice with Sock Puppetry
Provost Drell Confronts Racial Injustice with Sock Puppetry

Responding to the protests that have emerged in the wake of George Floyd’s death, Provost Drell’s latest email to the Stanford community featured a number of Stanford administrators giving voice to various civil rights leaders in sock puppet form, such as Susie Brubaker Cole as Rosa Parks, Marc Tessier-Lavigne as […]

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Statement of Ambivalence from White ASSU Leadership

June 1, 2020 5:00 pmComments Off on Statement of Ambivalence from White ASSU Leadership
Statement of Ambivalence from White ASSU Leadership

Dear Stanford Community, As you know, many events impacting the Black community at Stanford and nationwide have recently taken place, from professors exercising their freedoms of speech to Zoom-bombings, and now the outbreak of protests originating in Minneapolis. We, the white leadership of the ASSU, are writing you today to […]

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Stanford Pilots Zoom Microtransactions

May 28, 2020 3:13 pmComments Off on Stanford Pilots Zoom Microtransactions
Stanford Pilots Zoom Microtransactions

Citing a vague need to “spice things up”, Stanford has released a version of Zoom exclusive to the university that allows students to gain additional features. To promote student involvement in this initiative, professors have also been given access to various tools designed to increase the “enthusiasm factor” of online […]

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“Bat-Boy Born to Leeds Couple,” FoHo Announces As It Completes Transformation into Trashy British Tabloid

May 26, 2020 2:59 pmComments Off on “Bat-Boy Born to Leeds Couple,” FoHo Announces As It Completes Transformation into Trashy British Tabloid
“Bat-Boy Born to Leeds Couple,” FoHo Announces As It Completes Transformation into Trashy British Tabloid

“Liar, Liar, Vice Provost on Fire: Susie Brubaker-Cole Caught Lying To Students! Bat-Boy Born to Leeds Couple! And Special Report: Roble Woman Reveals How Arrillaga Chicken Left Her Pregnant… With Welsh Septuplets!” With these scoops and others, the latest edition of The Fountain Hopper finally cemented in place the newsletter’s […]

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