Op-Ed: Attending My Local Brothel to Discuss the Latest Feudal News with the Three Wise Wenches

Bards in every tavern are whispering rumors that Lord Biden is set…

Outbreak of Cyberbullying Devastates Millions of Youths After Melania Trump Leaves White House

A specter is haunting the teens of America—the specter of cyberbullying. For…

Meet Bronc, the world’s first genetically-engineered frat bro

Ever since Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, scientists have wondered, “Can we create life?…

Student Who Brags About Sleeping 3 Hours A Night Laments That His Talents Would Be Better Recognized If He Lived in The Paleolithic Era Defending His Cave from Predators All Night

“Prehistoric man was anywhere from seven to nine feet tall, you know,”…

Apple Partners with US Military to Produce Apple-Brand War Crimes

Child labor provider Apple Inc. recently announced that it is partnering with…

AN EXCLUSIVE LOOK INTO THE ABUSIVE PRACTICES OF THE LATE-REPUBLICAN ROMAN DAIRY INDUSTRY: CITIZENS, LEARN WHAT THE SENATE IS PUTTING INTO YOUR CHEESE

Be aware, citizen! Though all good citizens know that to swill milk…

Op-Ed: Yikes! I Accidentally Joined My Professor’s Divorce Zoom Call and Now I Have to Act Like His Emotionally Traumatized, Estranged Daughter So He Doesn’t Lose His House

Uh oh! When my linguistics professor sent out an email with only…

The LORD Divideth Not the Rind from the Flesh. So Sayeth the LORD, Eat the Watermelon in Whole.

As it is written in the Scripture, the LORD maketh all the…

I Was Going to Let My Daughter Draw on Our Walls So She Could Express Herself, But Her Composition Was Shit and She Clearly Doesn’t Grasp Proper Symmetry So I Bleached the Walls

My daughter somehow found the crayon set I bought when I decided…