Lame Rushee Refuses to Eat Bath Bomb, Doesn’t Get a Bid

April 9, 2019 7:00 pm
Lame Rushee Refuses to Eat Bath Bomb, Doesn’t Get a Bid

Spring has sprung, and that means two things: Greek rush, and the hedonistic ingestion of bathroom and/or laundry-room products. First there was the toilet plunger, then of course the Tide Pods, and now the youth are “getting sudsy” and “blasting off” on the hitherto last uneaten artifact in the twenty-first […]

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Report: Snorting Essential Oils Proven More Effective than Vaccinations, Or Maybe They Just Smell Nicer

7:00 pm
Report: Snorting Essential Oils Proven More Effective than Vaccinations, Or Maybe They Just Smell Nicer

With recent news of a measles exposure in Hoover Tower, news of effective naturopathic ways to build immunity could not have come at a better time for the anti-vaxxer community at danger. That’s right folks, the good old smelling scents are back and better than ever, providing you and your […]

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Students in Beginner Sailing Stoked to Learn How to Crew Boats, Exploit Vulnerabilities in College Admissions System

7:00 pm
Students in Beginner Sailing Stoked to Learn How to Crew Boats, Exploit Vulnerabilities in College Admissions System

Saying they were “beyond excited,” students of PE 46: Sailing, Beginning begin this Spring quarter hoping to learn the skills to get out on the water and one day get their spoiled progeny into elite colleges. Since news of the Stanford sailing admissions scandal broke in Winter Quarter, the course […]

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Op-Ed: My Alternative Spring Break Was Gladiatorial Bloodsport, and It Was Life-Changing

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Op-Ed: My Alternative Spring Break Was Gladiatorial Bloodsport, and It Was Life-Changing

When I looked around me at the end of last quarter, you know what I saw? A bunch of slobs, groupies, and good-for-nothing scum who weren’t planning on doing jack-diddly with their week off. Take a break from academics? Spend time with friends and family? Find a spare second to […]

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Alternative Spring Break: I’m Volunteering my Liver at a Bar in Cabo

March 20, 2019 8:50 am
Alternative Spring Break: I’m Volunteering my Liver at a Bar in Cabo
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Studies Reveal 97% of Squirrels Born Out of Wedlock

8:48 am
Studies Reveal 97% of Squirrels Born Out of Wedlock
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