NFL Players Nonchalant About Daily Risk of Crippling Head Trauma Weirdly Terrified By COVID

October 16, 2020 12:49 pm
NFL Players Nonchalant About Daily Risk of Crippling Head Trauma Weirdly Terrified By COVID

As American sports begins the slow process to reopening and getting back on track in a COVID-ridden world, the National Football League is encountering pushback from a group who run the risk of lethal brain trauma every day but inexplicably refuse to face the risk of contracting the virus: the […]

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The LORD Divideth Not the Rind from the Flesh. So Sayeth the LORD, Eat the Watermelon in Whole.

12:42 pm
The LORD Divideth Not the Rind from the Flesh. So Sayeth the LORD, Eat the Watermelon in Whole.

As it is written in the Scripture, the LORD maketh all the Fruits of the Land, from the Grape of the Vineyard to the Apple of the Eye, and He forgetteth not the Watermelon, most Round and Large of all the Fruits. The Watermelon groweth from the Vine, and it […]

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I asked my mom to simulate a freshman year dorm experience and she single-handedly crippled the relationships with my high school friends and peed on my bed at 3 in the morning

October 6, 2020 3:08 pm
I asked my mom to simulate a freshman year dorm experience and she single-handedly crippled the relationships with my high school friends and peed on my bed at 3 in the morning
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Government promises to stick glowing vial of untested liquid into your arm by Thanksgiving

3:06 pm
Government promises to stick glowing vial of untested liquid into your arm by Thanksgiving
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Op-Ed: To Ensure My Vote Counts I Nailed A Copy of My Ballot to Every Door in My State Capitol

3:04 pm
Op-Ed: To Ensure My Vote Counts I Nailed A Copy of My Ballot to Every Door in My State Capitol

You heard me right. With all the damn kerfuffle around ballots and voting for the upcoming election I wasn’t going to trust any of those corporate puppets in the mail industry or “ballot” workers at my “local” episcopal church to get “the” job done. That’s right—this year, I’m not taking […]

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Government Returns Stolen Mailboxes With Teeth, Sentience

3:02 pm
Government Returns Stolen Mailboxes With Teeth, Sentience

Following the mysterious removal of post office boxes across the nation, the government released a statement saying that they had reinstated all of the missing mailboxes “along with some vital upgrades, including but not limited to a full set of canines, molars and incisors.” Citizens quickly noticed some of the […]

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