Op-Ed: We Need Kardinal Normal Sex

December 3, 2018 7:00 pm
Op-Ed: We Need Kardinal Normal Sex

It’s hard to be a vanilla, cisgender, heterosexual woman or man at Stanford University in 2018, when it feels more and more like the queers and kinksters are taking over—not only discourse on gender and identity or aspects of media and culture, but even sweet, simple act of intercourse itself.  […]

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White House Wishes a Happy Hanukkah to America’s Globalists

7:00 pm
White House Wishes a Happy Hanukkah to America’s Globalists
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Journalists Perplexed By Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ Assertion That Everything She Says Is False, Even This

7:00 pm
Journalists Perplexed By Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ Assertion That Everything She Says Is False, Even This

A recent press conference ended in mayhem after White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders insisted to a gathered crowd of journalists that everything she said was false, even this. “I speak no truths, yet even then // Mine riddles trick the mind again,” a smirking Huckabee Sanders explained to […]

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450 Heterosexual Females Not Matched in Marriage Pact All Get Free Teslas

7:00 pm
450 Heterosexual Females Not Matched in Marriage Pact All Get Free Teslas
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Student Only Now Getting Plague Mocked By Previously Poxed Classmates

7:00 pm
Student Only Now Getting Plague Mocked By Previously Poxed Classmates

The end of fall quarter is coming, bringing along with it an unhealthy amount of final projects, exams and presentations. For most students, these alone are enough to drive them to mental breakdown, obsessive ingestion of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and late nights freebasing powdered sugar in the kitchenette to stave […]

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Trump Opts To Pardon Exclusively White And Affluent Turkeys

5:00 pm
Trump Opts To Pardon Exclusively White And Affluent Turkeys

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. Between the gluttonous binging preceding gut-wrenching regret and the inevitable turkey drops that everyone saw coming, the holiday break brought few shockers outside of typical turkey-centric expectations. In the tradition of ceremonial turkey pardons, President Trump shocked no-one in selecting to pardon two White-Anglo-Saxon-Protestant […]

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