Articles by: Alex Durham

Op-Ed: I Tried Returning to Campus for My Stuff, and Now I’m Imprisoned in the Prison from the Stanford Prison Experiment

May 28, 2020 3:05 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: I Tried Returning to Campus for My Stuff, and Now I’m Imprisoned in the Prison from the Stanford Prison Experiment
Op-Ed: I Tried Returning to Campus for My Stuff, and Now I’m Imprisoned in the Prison from the Stanford Prison Experiment

As soon as I entered campus, I felt eyes begin to follow me. When I’d first decided to drive down from Oregon to pick up a few things from my dorm room, I didn’t think it would be a big deal. I really only had to clear out a sleeping […]

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Op-Ed: My Super Exclusive Internship with NASA Was Just Cancelled So I Guess I’m Stuck Slumming It in My Huge London Flat

May 11, 2020 9:10 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: My Super Exclusive Internship with NASA Was Just Cancelled So I Guess I’m Stuck Slumming It in My Huge London Flat
Op-Ed: My Super Exclusive Internship with NASA Was Just Cancelled So I Guess I’m Stuck Slumming It in My Huge London Flat

So there I was, just sitting in my trophy room in my super big house where all the celebrities live just watching ESPN’s top 10 plays from my little league season back in ’07 when the president of nasa snapchats me that my exclusive internship this summer is cancelled cause […]

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An Ode to the Brick of Black Tar Heroin I Left On My Desk

April 26, 2020 10:59 amComments Off on An Ode to the Brick of Black Tar Heroin I Left On My Desk
An Ode to the Brick of Black Tar Heroin I Left On My Desk

If only I had known our time together was to be cut short so soon.  I remember you as if it was yesterday, sitting precariously on the corner of my desk, winking seductively in the half-light of the morning. Just the night before we had met under the brightness of […]

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Op-Ed: After Seeing Each Democratic Candidate Eat a Cinnamon Roll at Last Week’s Debate, I Know that Pete’s the One

March 1, 2020 10:44 amComments Off on Op-Ed: After Seeing Each Democratic Candidate Eat a Cinnamon Roll at Last Week’s Debate, I Know that Pete’s the One
Op-Ed: After Seeing Each Democratic Candidate Eat a Cinnamon Roll at Last Week’s Debate, I Know that Pete’s the One

Maybe you were surprised last week when the host of last week’s Democratic debate passed around a cinnamon roll to each candidate and asked them to show how they would eat it. Well, I wasn’t. I knew that this was a moment of truth. That there’s something crucial revealed in […]

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Amazing – Schoolyard Kid Single-Handedly Eliminates Bullying by Choosing Smallest, Wimpiest Kid for His Recess Dodgeball Team

February 14, 2020 9:57 amComments Off on Amazing – Schoolyard Kid Single-Handedly Eliminates Bullying by Choosing Smallest, Wimpiest Kid for His Recess Dodgeball Team
Amazing – Schoolyard Kid Single-Handedly Eliminates Bullying by Choosing Smallest, Wimpiest Kid for His Recess Dodgeball Team

The sun was out, the birds were chirping, and the 8.5-inch rubber dodgeballs were ready to fly. The captains were chosen per the tried-and-true unspoken understanding of who was most popular, and the masses lined up as seriously as if they were being drafted to go fight on the front […]

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Awkward! I Was Sitting on the Toilet When This Old Man Leaned His Head Under the Stall and Offered to Tell Me the Fate of Mankind If I Answered His Riddles Three

February 5, 2020 2:05 pmComments Off on Awkward! I Was Sitting on the Toilet When This Old Man Leaned His Head Under the Stall and Offered to Tell Me the Fate of Mankind If I Answered His Riddles Three
Awkward! I Was Sitting on the Toilet When This Old Man Leaned His Head Under the Stall and Offered to Tell Me the Fate of Mankind If I Answered His Riddles Three

You can never get any peace and quiet these days, can you? Once upon a time there was such a thing as knocking before entering a room or asking before sharing jockstraps, but nowadays everything is just free rein. The bathroom is the only safe haven left…or so I thought. […]

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John Bolton Catfished Into Congressional Testimony by Adam Schiff Pretending to be Busty Young Ukrainian

February 2, 2020 4:29 pmComments Off on John Bolton Catfished Into Congressional Testimony by Adam Schiff Pretending to be Busty Young Ukrainian
John Bolton Catfished Into Congressional Testimony by Adam Schiff Pretending to be Busty Young Ukrainian

As a result of growing uncertainty surrounding whether current Challenger rank I in League of Legends and former national security advisor John Bolton would testify in the ongoing impeachment trial of Donald Trump or not, it was a shock to all in the courtroom when Mr. Bolton charged into the […]

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Freshmen Ashamed to Admit to Not Smoking Weed in Front of Father

January 15, 2020 1:03 pmComments Off on Freshmen Ashamed to Admit to Not Smoking Weed in Front of Father
A middle aged father and teenage son argue at home.

Freshman Bailey Gibson went into winter break expecting a time of relaxation. After a fall quarter full of new friends, hard classes, and one particularly embarrassing circle jerk debacle involving a Veggie Tales music video, he was looking forward to recharging the batteries for a couple of weeks.  That was […]

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Op-Ed: Girl in the Socks and Crocs, You Have Stolen My Heart

November 6, 2019 12:00 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: Girl in the Socks and Crocs, You Have Stolen My Heart
Op-Ed: Girl in the Socks and Crocs, You Have Stolen My Heart

I knew it from the moment you walked in. I’m not sure what prompted me to raise my head from my book at that moment, sitting in that lecture hall; I’ve never really believed in fate, but I’d make an exception for this. Looking back, I’m not sure what first […]

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Dear RA: My Roommate’s Mom Still Comes to Enforce His Curfew, and I Don’t Know What to Do

October 29, 2019 4:27 pmComments Off on Dear RA: My Roommate’s Mom Still Comes to Enforce His Curfew, and I Don’t Know What to Do
Dear RA: My Roommate’s Mom Still Comes to Enforce His Curfew, and I Don’t Know What to Do

I let it slide the first few weeks, but at this point I’m about ready to cement our doors and windows shut. This definitely wasn’t in the roommate contract.  Sometimes I’m not even sure how she is getting into the room. But sure as dogs have 42 teeth, every night at […]

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