We have received word from several reputable sources that the rumors are true. The Stanford Administration has determined that there are too many people with “rancid” vibes about campus, and have been taking drastic and authoritarian measures to “correct” the vibe atmosphere on campus. For the entirety of this school […]
-
Stanford Defeats Racism with Screening of “Tubman,” A Movie About A Man Who Wakes Up as A Bathtub and Everyone Is Racist Against Him but At the End, They Learn to Accept Their Differences and Sing in A Circle and Take A Bath in Him
Let’s have them three cheers and a slap on the ol’ ass, fellas, ‘cause this time there’s truly a cause for celebration! In...
-
Stanford Justifies Campus Expansion as “Reclaiming Promised Lands” Gifted to Dying Leland Stanford Jr. by God Himself
“This is what we’ve been training for, folks!” Harry Elam Jr. barked to the phalanxes of engineering students lined up before...
-
Freshman Elated to Spend Next Three Years with Friends Who Will Abandon Him Spring Quarter
After a grueling and lonesome high school experience, Soto resident Justin Kennedy ’23 has been more than pleased with his first...
-
Guy Who Claims to “Hate to Play Devil’s Advocate” Plays Devil’s Advocate Again
In shocking news coming from the Tuesday afternoon section of POLISCI 153, senior Davie Carnick yet again insists upon playing devil’s...
Headlines
-
Code Addict Does Another Line
-
Extra, Extra: Soot-Faced Newsboy on Busy White Plaza Corner Heralds Arrival of Latest FoHo
-
Curses! My Magic Wand is Too Far Up My Ass to Cast Any Spells
- New California Law Allows Student Athletes to be Exploited by Corporations Rather Than Colleges
- Student from Maine Surprised by How Many Black Squirrels There Are on Campus
- Op-Ed: Sorry I Killed Your Uncle During My Self-Care Day
Stanford
-
Stanford Defeats Racism with Screening of “Tubman,” A Movie About A Man Who Wakes Up as A Bathtub and Everyone Is Racist Against Him but At the End, They Learn to Accept Their Differences and Sing in A Circle and Take A Bath in Him
Let’s have them three cheers and a slap on the ol’ ass, fellas, ‘cause this time there’s...
-
Freshman Elated to Spend Next Three Years with Friends Who Will Abandon Him Spring Quarter
After a grueling and lonesome high school experience, Soto resident Justin Kennedy ’23 has been...
-
Guy Who Claims to “Hate to Play Devil’s Advocate” Plays Devil’s Advocate Again
In shocking news coming from the Tuesday afternoon section of POLISCI 153, senior Davie Carnick...
- Annotations by Former Textbook Owner Suggest They Were Truly Starting at Base Fucking Zero
- All Frosh are “Really Fucking Dumb” Finds Sophomore Class Study
- College Vlogger Announces Plans to Solve Systemic Bias of College Admissions Process
Politics
-
PSA: Stanford Vibe Police on High Alert
We have received word from several reputable sources that the rumors are true. The Stanford Administration...
-
Hubris Punished: Winnie the Pooh Castrated for Having Larger Scrotum Than Zeus
Alas, the wretched Winnie the Pooh has finally reaped that which he’d sewn, for his monstrous...
-
Amid Human Rights Abuses and Declining Support for Local Regime, U.S. Backs Coup in Flint, Michigan
As the humanitarian crisis worsens and citizens grow increasingly critical of local leadership,...
- Flipside News in Brief: Georgian Mistresses, AAU Surveys, and Night Rabbits
- Theresa May Only One Surprised by EU Release of Kraken into English Channel
- Klobuchar Attacks Booker for Being “An Electoralist Hack” with “No Handle on Dialectical Materialism”
Opinion
-
Op-Ed: Girl in the Socks and Crocs, You Have Stolen My Heart
I knew it from the moment you walked in. I’m not sure what prompted me to raise my head from my...
-
Op Ed: I Need to Ask My Professor a Question After Lecture But There’s Like Five or Six Different Mysterious Figures from His Past Seeking Advice About Alien Threats
Well, I guess this is what I get for taking a class in xenobiology. I normally leave lecture a few...
-
Op Ed: How Does It Feel To Take A Life, Charles?
Look at me, Charles. No, no — don’t look away. Don’t you dare try to get out of this one,...
- Op-Ed: My Brain Is A Greased-Up Dragon and I Have to Wrestle It to The Ground and Count to Ten Every Time I Want to Say Something Coherent
- Op Ed: To Prepare for the Math 51 Final, I Created a “Mind Palace” Full of Dancing, Anthropomorphic Versions of the Digits Zero Through Nine
- Op Ed: Yes, I’m Addicted to Communion Wafers, and No, I Won’t Shut Up About It
Technology
-
Andrew Yang Warns That AI Will Soon Automate All Your Time-Wasting Bullshit
During a recent campaign stop, presidential hopeful Andrew Yang returned to what has become a central...
-
Op-Ed: In Only Ten Weeks, Duolingo Made Me Proficient In Slurs
I was initially skeptical about practicing my language skills with Duolingo. People kept saying...
-
Wow! Turns Out Clippy was Involved with Operation Paperclip, the U.S. Program that Reincorporated Nazi Scientists Into American Society
- TED Talk Speaker Struggles to Open PowerPoint from Flash Drive
- Newly-Announced Strain of ‘Cuties’ Never Goes Bad, Even as Image on Packaging Rots Away
- Refugee Crisis Erupts After Tumblr Bans Porn
Recent Posts
2 weeks ago
Code Addict Does Another Line
2 weeks ago
Extra, Extra: Soot-Faced Newsboy on Busy White Plaza Corner Heralds Arrival of Latest FoHo
2 weeks ago
PSA: Stanford Vibe Police on High Alert
2 weeks ago
Stanford Defeats Racism with Screening of “Tubman,” A Movie About A Man Who Wakes Up as A Bathtub and Everyone Is Racist Against Him but At the End, They Learn to Accept Their Differences and Sing in A Circle and Take A Bath in Him
2 weeks ago
Stanford Justifies Campus Expansion as “Reclaiming Promised Lands” Gifted to Dying Leland Stanford Jr. by God Himself