“Liar, Liar, Vice Provost on Fire: Susie Brubaker-Cole Caught Lying To Students! Bat-Boy Born to Leeds Couple! And Special Report: Roble Woman Reveals How Arrillaga Chicken Left Her Pregnant… With Welsh Septuplets!” With these scoops and others, the latest edition of The Fountain Hopper finally cemented in place the newsletter’s […]
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Elitist Fœtus Refuses To Be Born Until Ivy Leagues Open Back Up
Boston, MA— In protest of recent Covid-19 closures, a 7-month-old fœtus is refusing to be born unless ivy league universities reopen...
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Stanford Campus Overtaken by Roving Bands of Finger-Snapping, Tap-Dancing A Capella Groups
Some places get bombed-out ruins, some places get totalitarian dictatorship, some places get the bright city with a seedy cyberpunk...
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Oops: I Changed My Zoom Display Name to the True Name of Yahweh and My Professor Exploded in a Plume of Brimstone
Earlier today during lecture, I was messing around on Zoom and noticed that you can change your display name to whatever you want....
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Op-Ed: My Coronavirus Dreams Are Just Me Going Through My Normal Day But As A Worm
It seems that this virus has really wormed its way into everyones’ psyches! Since lockdown started, the nation’s collective dreamscape...
Headlines
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I Accidentally Set My Zoom Background to a Looped Gif of the Challenger Explosion and I Have My “Respecting the Victims of the Challenger Explosion” Class in 2 Minutes
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Minecraft Stanford Also Taking Long Time to Install Chanel Miller Plaque
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Op-Ed: Why Even Have Rush if We Can’t Spit Into Each Others’ Mouths?
- Tragic: Break-out Room Collapses, Killing 14
- Joe Biden Promises That His VP Pick Will be a Woman, and a Jewess No Less!
- Report: Vivid Incest Dreams Totally Normal, Everybody Else is Having Them Too
Stanford
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Minecraft Stanford Also Taking Long Time to Install Chanel Miller Plaque
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“Bat-Boy Born to Leeds Couple,” FoHo Announces As It Completes Transformation into Trashy British Tabloid
“Liar, Liar, Vice Provost on Fire: Susie Brubaker-Cole Caught Lying To Students! Bat-Boy Born...
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Stanford Campus Overtaken by Roving Bands of Finger-Snapping, Tap-Dancing A Capella Groups
Some places get bombed-out ruins, some places get totalitarian dictatorship, some places get the...
- Admin Announces Fall Quarter Plan: Stanford at Sea
- PWR Director Announces Students can Replace PWR 1 by Ghostwriting MTL’s Emails
- Stanford to Bring Back All Those Experiments from the ‘60s Where They’d, Like, Give Teenagers Shrooms and Then Electrocute Them
Politics
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Joe Biden Promises That His VP Pick Will be a Woman, and a Jewess No Less!
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Trump to Successfully Re-open Country by “Solstice of the Goats,” an Ancient Pagan Holiday He Just Reintroduced
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corono virus? What about hilarys emails?
- DNC Frantically Inventing New States to Give Biden Last-Minute Electoral Boost
- Senators Embarrassed to Realize They Wore Same Goat Mask to Ritual Orgy
- To Celebrate Black History Month, Buttigieg Campaign Will Highlight Each of Their Black Supporters Over the Last 9 Days of the Month
Opinion
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I Accidentally Set My Zoom Background to a Looped Gif of the Challenger Explosion and I Have My “Respecting the Victims of the Challenger Explosion” Class in 2 Minutes
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Oops: I Changed My Zoom Display Name to the True Name of Yahweh and My Professor Exploded in a Plume of Brimstone
Earlier today during lecture, I was messing around on Zoom and noticed that you can change your...
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Op-Ed: Why Even Have Rush if We Can’t Spit Into Each Others’ Mouths?
- Op-Ed: My Coronavirus Dreams Are Just Me Going Through My Normal Day But As A Worm
- Report: Vivid Incest Dreams Totally Normal, Everybody Else is Having Them Too
- Op-Ed: The One Upside of Zoom University? Not Getting Punched Every Time I Tell Dr. Martin He Doesn’t Deserve Tenure
Technology
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Movie Magic: CGI Carrie Fisher to be Posthumously Inserted into “Epic / Hilarious Nut-Taps [4 hrs]” Youtube Compilation
In recent weeks, there has been some rumbling surrounding J.J. Abrams’ decision to feature a computer-generated...
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Andrew Yang Warns That AI Will Soon Automate All Your Time-Wasting Bullshit
During a recent campaign stop, presidential hopeful Andrew Yang returned to what has become a central...
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Op-Ed: In Only Ten Weeks, Duolingo Made Me Proficient In Slurs
I was initially skeptical about practicing my language skills with Duolingo. People kept saying...
- Wow! Turns Out Clippy was Involved with Operation Paperclip, the U.S. Program that Reincorporated Nazi Scientists Into American Society
- TED Talk Speaker Struggles to Open PowerPoint from Flash Drive
- Newly-Announced Strain of ‘Cuties’ Never Goes Bad, Even as Image on Packaging Rots Away
Recent Posts
2 days ago
I Accidentally Set My Zoom Background to a Looped Gif of the Challenger Explosion and I Have My “Respecting the Victims of the Challenger Explosion” Class in 2 Minutes- 2 days ago
Minecraft Stanford Also Taking Long Time to Install Chanel Miller Plaque 
2 days ago
“Bat-Boy Born to Leeds Couple,” FoHo Announces As It Completes Transformation into Trashy British Tabloid
2 days ago
Elitist Fœtus Refuses To Be Born Until Ivy Leagues Open Back Up
2 days ago
Stanford Campus Overtaken by Roving Bands of Finger-Snapping, Tap-Dancing A Capella Groups