In recent news, yet another momentous achievement by your roommate has served to highlight your own fundamental inadequacy as a human being. While you were playing Fork Knife for the seventh consecutive hour this past Tuesday, recent reports have indicated that your cotenant was learning to speak Bulgarian. “I’m almost […]
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Evil Liberal Turkey Scientists Release Conspiracy Theory of ‘Anthropogenic Thanksgiving’ to Turkey UN
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – Sensible, conservative turkeys worldwide likely gobbled at the recent avian United Nations report in which...
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Stanford Daily Editor-In-Chief Ousted by Dead Founder
The Fountain Hopper reported earlier this week that the unnamed-but-legendary founder of The Stanford Daily rose from their grave to...
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Otero Treasurer Executed for Big Game Treason on Meyer Green
The grass on Meyer Green was stained a dark and brilliant red last Wednesday when Viltautė Findlay, now-former Otero Treasurer, was...
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PHEs Awarded $9,000 in Monopoly Money© to Compensate for Pay Inequity
Amidst calls from around campus to equalize payment of campus Peer Health Educators (PHE) relative to their Resident Assistant (RA)...
Headlines
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After Toxic Spill, Local Mutant Baby Born with Power of Cancer
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Report: Devil Horny
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Colorblind Democrat Insists Coming “Grey Wave” Will Sweep Midterms, Turn Grey States Grey
- CAPS Director Tosses Single Counselor, Broken-in-Half Pool Cue in to Room Full of Depressed Students
- Campus Poll Reveals Spookiest Halloween Monsters are Trump Administration, Ghouls
- Visiting Alumni Kidnap Unsuspecting Students and Drink Their Blood to Secure Eternal Life
Stanford
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Roommate Procrastinates by Learning Fourth Language
In recent news, yet another momentous achievement by your roommate has served to highlight your...
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Stanford Daily Editor-In-Chief Ousted by Dead Founder
The Fountain Hopper reported earlier this week that the unnamed-but-legendary founder of The Stanford...
-
Otero Treasurer Executed for Big Game Treason on Meyer Green
The grass on Meyer Green was stained a dark and brilliant red last Wednesday when Viltautė Findlay,...
- PHEs Awarded $9,000 in Monopoly Money© to Compensate for Pay Inequity
- 1 Dead, 5 Injured After Tragic Social Dance Collision
- Report: Ghost Hitler to Be the Next Guest Invited to Campus in SCR’s Ongoing “Controversial Speakers” Series
Politics
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Colorblind Democrat Insists Coming “Grey Wave” Will Sweep Midterms, Turn Grey States Grey
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Ballot Filled Out with #2½ Pencil Forces Entire Electoral District to Retake SAT
Tragedy struck on Election Day when longtime Atlanta resident and law-abiding citizen Dave Murphy...
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Campus Poll Reveals Spookiest Halloween Monsters are Trump Administration, Ghouls
- Trump Mistakes Stormy Daniels For All the Other Horses He’s Fucked
- Haas Center Distributes Blatantly False “Stanford Votes” Stickers
- SCR Drops Support for Kavanaugh After Woman Comes Forward Claiming He Once Pushed Her
Opinion
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Op-Ed: I’m a Real Person Just Like You, I Just Eat Other People
I’m sick of being discriminated against. It’s no secret that it can be hard to be members...
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Op-Ed: My Classmates Keep Playing Devil’s Advocate. I Want to Play God’s Advocate.
Every class I’m in, there always seems to be someone at hand to advocate for the will of Satan....
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A Senior Farewell
Fuck you! That’s right, do you really think we value you as a reader? We don’t. We never have,...
- Op-Ed: How To Beat The Draw, By Me, The ShamWow Guy
- Op-Ed: I Made my Phone Screen Black and White Because a Vox Video Told Me to, and Now I’m Blind
- Flipside News in Brief: Douchebags, Theater and the NRA
Technology
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Op-Ed: I’m a Social Media Influenzer – And It’s Fucking Sick
You read that right – social media influenzer. My job is to spread ~sickness~ wherever I go. What...
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Amazon Raises Minimum Wage for Workers to 15 Rupees Per Hour
In a move that has been widely hailed as progressive and humanitarian, Amazon.com Inc. has announced...
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Fuck, Marry, Park: These Three Cars
- Silicon Valley Thrilled by New “Uber for Serfs” Startup
- Viral Sensation: No One Can Decide Whether This Video Is Saying “Abortion” or “Murder”
- Neat! In Grand Theft Auto 6, You’ll be Able to Fuck a Dog
Recent Posts
4 days ago
After Toxic Spill, Local Mutant Baby Born with Power of Cancer
4 days ago
Report: Devil Horny
4 days ago
Roommate Procrastinates by Learning Fourth Language
4 days ago
Evil Liberal Turkey Scientists Release Conspiracy Theory of ‘Anthropogenic Thanksgiving’ to Turkey UN
4 days ago
Stanford Daily Editor-In-Chief Ousted by Dead Founder