Post Tagged with: "parents weekend"

Friend That Parents Remember Isn’t Actually Close Friend

February 27, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Friend That Parents Remember Isn’t Actually Close Friend
Friend That Parents Remember Isn’t Actually Close Friend

“How’s Chloe?” Janice McDermott asked her daughter, Amika McDermott (’16), over the phone Monday morning, evidently unaware that the aforementioned Chloe is simply a close acquaintance of Amika’s who Mrs. McDermott happened to have passingly met at Parents’ Weekend. “I just want to check in on you and your friends—you […]

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Freshman Hides Lone Beer Before Parents’ Weekend

February 25, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Freshman Hides Lone Beer Before Parents’ Weekend
Freshman Hides Lone Beer Before Parents’ Weekend

Staring at the half-drunk can of Coors Light that stood glaringly on his desk, remnant of that one crazy rager he hosted where he and his friend played one whole game of beer pong, freshman Alan St. Clair was unsure of what to do. Eventually, after much encouragement from his […]

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Parents Embarrassed by Lame Student

February 24, 2014 12:01 pmComments Off on Parents Embarrassed by Lame Student
Parents Embarrassed by Lame Student

Stanford, CA – Reports indicate that Greg and Melanie Smyth were disappointed this weekend when, upon arriving on Stanford campus, their son Stewart turned out to be completely lame. Expecting him to have blossomed or at least started going by “Stew,” the Smyth’s excitedly hustled into his room to “get […]

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Ask a Guy Doing Standup at the CoHo

February 25, 2013 12:00 pmComments Off on Ask a Guy Doing Standup at the CoHo
Ask a Guy Doing Standup at the CoHo

Dear Guy Doing Standup at the CoHo, My parents came for parents’ weekend, and now they’re hanging out in the area for a few more days. What are some fun things to do around here that I can send them off to do while I get some work done? Smothered […]

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Parents Send Student to His Room During Parents Weekend

March 5, 2012 8:00 amComments Off on Parents Send Student to His Room During Parents Weekend
Parents Send Student to His Room During Parents Weekend

Students across campus vacuumed and straightened like never before in preparation for the arrival of hordes of visiting parents last weekend. “I took out the recycling bin full of beer bottles, aired out the room to get rid of my roommate’s stench—I even dusted!” said Adam Bradshaw, who hoped to […]

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Parents Still Really Amazed by the Potato Forks for Some Reason

March 1, 2011 9:30 amComments Off on Parents Still Really Amazed by the Potato Forks for Some Reason
Parents Still Really Amazed by the Potato Forks for Some Reason

Freshman Katie Swimmer took her parents to the Treehouse for lunch last weekend, but she couldn’t stop her parents from commenting on the potato forks they used to eat their meal. “They just wouldn’t shut the fuck up about the damn potato forks,” commented Katie, “I haven’t seen them in […]

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Parents of Azia Kim Apprehended at Parents’ Weekend

March 1, 2010 5:19 pm0 comments
Parents of Azia Kim Apprehended at Parents’ Weekend

In a bizarre continuation of the scandal that swept the campus just three years ago, it appears that the parents of Stanford imposter Azia Kim have been apprehended for falsely attending Parents Weekend. Authorities grew suspicious of the couple when a security guard witnessed Mr. Kim boosting Mrs. Kim into […]

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Student Sexiled by Mother, Permanently Scarred

5:16 pm0 comments
Student Sexiled by Mother, Permanently Scarred



When freshman Josh Crawford’s mother Lillian informed him that she would be attending Parents’ Weekend, he expected that she would spend her time exploring campus and buying him overpriced meals in Palo Alto. “I thought she would just act like a normal parent,” he told reporters, “but I guess I […]

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Student In Trouble For Irresponsible Guests

March 8, 2009 4:06 pm0 comments
Student In Trouble For Irresponsible Guests

Parents Found Puking, Vandalizing; Son Put on Probation By Jorie Carmeister STANFORD—Freshman student Troy Altman, a member of the dorm Naranja, is now on probation after hosting several guests who failed to respect dormitory rules. According to the RA, the guests were found puking on the floor, tearing down posters, […]

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