Staring at the half-drunk can of Coors Light that stood glaringly on his desk, remnant of that one crazy rager he hosted where he and his friend played one whole game of beer pong, freshman Alan St. Clair was unsure of what to do. Eventually, after much encouragement from his friend, Alan finally did the responsible thing and hid the lone can before his parents arrived for the weekend.

Said St. Clair, “Well, you know, I didn’t want them to know what a crazy party animal I’ve become in college. I mean, my friend Michel Imaginaire and I stayed up until 11:30 last Friday night. First, we pre-gamed the frats by splitting the can of Coors, and we got pretty buzzed; we couldn’t even finish the can. Then, we went out for a while before coming home and playing a few games of Settlers of Catan while discussing the logistics of Han Solo’s first shot in the cantina. After that, we spent a solid 20 minutes just jacking it. It was super wild, but that’s obviously not the impression I want my parents to have of me.”

St. Clair admitted that the process of hiding the beer was not without its problems. Firstly, he had to figure out where he had the space to hide a can of beer, while also trying to cover the stains on his floor from the time he dropped his fountain pen. In the end, he decided to put the can in his cupboard, next to his pristine collection of Green Lantern Lego figurines.

St. Clair insists his partying days are not over, though. “I’m looking into buying a six-pack, maybe even throwing a whole dorm fiesta,” said St. Clair.

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