STANFORD–In response to recent complaints about a lack of unity at Stanford, Stanford’s office for Housing and Residential Education decided to connect all Stanford Students in the deepest and most intimate way possible–through an all undergraduate mailing list.

After subscribing every undergraduate to the list, Stanford’s housing office issued the following statement: “We have entered a new age, an age where we can communicate with each other without moderation or oversight. No longer are we separated by lists that divide us–lists based on religion, dorms, and ethnicity. Finally we can all join together around a common bond that all of the students at Stanford share: Housing.”

Because of the new list, students are now able to communicate effortlessly with the entire campus population to advertise their campus events, inside jokes, and, best of all, favorite YouTube videos. In explaining the list, ASSU President-Elect Michael Cruz explained how he worked with Stanford Housing to make it happen: “When I was campaigning, I promised that, if elected, I would connect Stanford like never before. Well, after a long and arduous campaign, I can say that Stanford 2.0 is here, and it has never been better!” Vice President Elect Stewart Mcgregor Dennis added, “If students cannot communicate with each other, then they cannot understand each other. This mailing list is the change we’ve been waiting for.”

Though the new mailing list is supported by a vast majority of Stanford students, there are some who dislike the new initiative. “My favorite mailing list has always been The Diaspora,” said Betsy Miller ‘12. “The Diaspora allowed me to spam my useless messages out to a large number of people. But now that we have this new list, people will have no reason to read The Diaspora–why would you read a list full of spam when you could read a list full of double spam? The entire reason for the Diaspora’s existence has been called into question–This is a huge step back for us.

Despite these misgivings, Stanford Housing, as well as the ASSU, believe the new list will have a place at Stanford for many memes to come.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…