Frosh Formal, “Boogie on the Bayou,” ended in horror last Friday night when an innocent attempt at authentic decor took a turn for the worst—and the deadly.

Dance coordinators paid special attention to decorations this year, achieving the “Bayou” atmosphere with installments of wetland and swampy flora and fauna. Featuring a completely marshy dance floor and brackish waters galore, the dance was initially met with overwhelming public delight.

However, an hour into the dance, strange noises began emerging from the slow-moving stream at the far left wall of the gym. “I heard all this weird growling,” reports Freshman Rex Simmons. “So I thought, gosh, maybe I’m hungry. I reached for a bear claw, but it wasn’t a bear claw—it was an alligator claw and it was attacking me!”

Droves of alligators crawled across the dance floor as students scrambled to safety atop tables and lowered basketball hoops. Some zoologically knowledgeable students chose to fight back, knowing to go for the eyes, the head, and that infamous flap found behind a crocodilian’s tongue, the palatal valve. No students were killed in the calamity, but seven freshman were scooped up and carried away to become integrated into the swamp community.

“We made sure to rent totally tame alligators,” claims Frosh Council member Sadie Dent. “I have no idea what went wrong. Maybe we didn’t feed them enough, maybe the music was too loud. We can’t know for sure.”

Needless to say, it seems a more fitting name for this dance would be “Boo! Gators Are There By You!” Fortunately, the student body can rest easy knowing that future dances will keep much closer surveillance on their stagnant water.

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