Ignoring the momentum displayed by Bernie Sanders’ surprise win in Indiana, mathematics revealed its establishment indoctrination Sunday by maintaining that Hillary Clinton is “quite literally assured” to be the Democratic nominee for the Presidency.

As math explained, “Senator Sanders would need 939 delegates to secure the nomination.
There are only 933 left to claim.
The number 939 is greater than the number 933.
Hillary Clinton will win the Democratic Party’s nomination.”

Sanders supporters on campus and online, of course, were quick to see through math’s pro-status quo agenda. One Reddit user complained, “Numbers have always favored Clinton, and they haven’t been afraid to show it. From early survey data to the vote counts in the 23 states she has won, math has been in $hillary’s pocket all along!

Math, of course, stood by its timeless irrefutability. It explained, “As the Washington Post reported in April, even if all the superdelegates voted in the direction of the geographic region they represent, Hillary would still have a greater number of delegates than Bernie. Whether expressed as a raw number, a ratio to the sum of delegates, or as a percent of the entire delegate pool, the number representing Hillary’s winnings will be greater than the one reflecting Bernie’s.

The millenniums old system of operations continued, “The only time Bernie’s numbers are greater than Hillary’s are when we compare the amount of dollars the Vermonter has raised, spent, and used to buy television ads. Even as an amorphous concept used to express and relate quantities, I can tell Bernie people would be pretty pissed if Secretary Clinton were the bigger spender.”

You May Also Like

Fantasy Football Loses Popularity; 
Historical Non-Fiction Football on the Rise

According to statistics complied from the thousands of leagues on ESPN. com,…

Senior Still Hasn’t Come to Terms with Fact That They’ll Never Vomit Cajun Fries into an Old Union Toilet Again

Sitting absentmindedly on the couch, watching their ninth consecutive episode of Netflix…

Fandango Employees Weep for Man Who Bought One Ticket to New Big Momma Movie

We at Fandango would like to express our heartfelt sympathies and prayers…

Faculty Senate Surprised That 50% of Students Actually Think Professors Care About Them

After convening for their fist meeting of the year on October 27th,…