Report: It’s All Going to Shit and Area Man Totally Knows It

After years of high hopes, honest effort, and sincere smiles, it’s all just…

Talking Fish That Replaced Republican Primary Will Not Stop Singing

When it was first revealed that the Republican party would be replacing…

After Horrifying Events, Local Man Not Even Sure Who is Being “That Guy” Anymore

“Usually it’s so easy to tell,” said 717 Resident Adam Mickleson. “Whenever…

Gaieties To Feature Cameos From Cal’s Entire Starting Defense

Reports indicate that Gaieties, Stanford’s long-running musical that ridicules our enemies from…

Portugal Loses Government in High-Stakes Poker Game

Citing decreased inhibitions and a marked lack of prudence, Portugal reported last…