Jillian Bieghden, 17, resident of Lantana experienced quite the rollout this Saturday morning. The typical routine set high expectations for the overjoyed frosh. Pounding on the door, coupled with screams to open up and set the young future alumnus; heart afire. Yet, when she opened the door to her single, it was not the artificially excited, but truly just super exhausted, bright eyes and faces of SMG that greeted her, but the full military regalia of the FBI SWAT team.
In the hurricane of applications (and with a comparable number of serious injuries) one stood out: Bieghden presented the SMG recruitment team with a new advantage: the unbridled access to our nation’s security. Rather than submitting her SUNET ID or SUID (the difference of which this author is unsure and unmotivated to search up which is which) on her applicant identification form, Bieghden, eager to prove her worthiness, had given the idolized consulting firm the codes to the nation’s nuclear arsenal. When asked how she obtained such classified information, she explained that in a bout of lucidity, her dad (with very minimal stuttering) told her that these codes were her inheritance, because “fuck if give these to that other woman.”
There’s not much that sets one freshman apart from other freshmen besides owning a fake ID, an “international” “non-profit” they “started” and “lead”, and a recognizable last name (perhaps a Gates or Arrillaga or Piggot or Hewlett, really there’s a lot). But Bieghden had other plans. She has access to the one thing no other freshman does: nuclear codes. And with her finger over the big red button, and a diligent completion of the Duo Mobile Two-Step Verification, she has the power to destroy all the other Stanford consulting groups that get in her way.
