Stanford Announces New Student Web Portal To Make It Easier to Access Student Web Portals

April 17, 2017 12:00 pm
Stanford Announces New Student Web Portal To Make It Easier to Access Student Web Portals

In the most expansive change of its kind in Stanford history, university administration has announced the upcoming release of a revolutionary new student web portal that will make it easier to access all the other student web portals that already exist. The new application, called CardinalNext, will provide an intuitive, […]

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Man With Two Drones Now Wants To See Them Fight

April 6, 2017 8:17 pm
Man With Two Drones Now Wants To See Them Fight

Palo Alto – Reports show that Kenneth Overman, having achieved his long-standing goal of owning two separate recreational drones, has now switched his aspirations from acquiring drones to watching them face off in a 21st century airborne reinterpretation of gladiatorial combat. While investigations seem to indicate that Overman has not […]

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Wow! CERN Just Announced Their Newest Particle, and It’s Latino

March 13, 2017 12:00 pm
Wow! CERN Just Announced Their Newest Particle, and It’s Latino

Science alert! CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, just announced their newest particle. And good news, folks – it’s Latino! “This is the first particle we’ve announced that’s ethnically of latin origins”, announced Director-General Fabiola Gianotti in a weekly press briefing. “So far none of the atomic and subatomic […]

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Clitaurus Probably a Type of Dinosaur, Nation’s Middle Schoolers Report

February 27, 2017 12:00 pm
Clitaurus Probably a Type of Dinosaur, Nation’s Middle Schoolers Report

A consortium of middle schoolers has shaken America’s scientific community to the core following its announcement of startling new evidence that the Clitaurus is probably a type of dinosaur. “Well, yeah, it sounds like Tyrannosaurus,” commented lead researcher Trevor Bentonsworth during the big reveal of the team’s paradigm-shifting research, televised […]

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Marc Tessier-Lavigne to Allow Two Hottest People From Each Dorm to Get On Ark

12:00 pm
Marc Tessier-Lavigne to Allow Two Hottest People From Each Dorm to Get On Ark

STANFORD, CA — As the threat of flood increases each day of this rainy season at Stanford, Marc Tessier-Lavigne has announced a plan for the two hottest people from each dorm to begin boarding his ark. “At some point everyone will have to accept the reality of this armageddon flood […]

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Hacker Realizes The Real Mainframe Was Inside Him All Along

February 13, 2017 5:31 pm
Hacker Realizes The Real Mainframe Was Inside Him All Along
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Dear RCC: I’m Pretty Sure My Computer Is A Crockpot

December 5, 2016 12:00 pm
Dear RCC: I’m Pretty Sure My Computer Is A Crockpot

Dear RCC, 
 Whether it was a classic Holiday mix-up, or it’s been that way all along, I have some suspicions that my computer (previously thought to be a standard word-processing container) is in fact a crockpot. My first issue with this came up when I tried to turn in […]

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MIT Physicist-Restauranteurs Create Asian-Fusion Reactor

11:59 am
MIT Physicist-Restauranteurs Create Asian-Fusion Reactor
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Study: Everyone Else Is Doing Way Better Than You In Every Way

November 28, 2016 12:00 pm
Study: Everyone Else Is Doing Way Better Than You In Every Way

A research team at the Stanford psychology department recently completed a two year study on you and every single other person. After a comprehensive review of the results, the research team concluded that everyone else has it better than you in every single way, most likely because you suck so […]

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Fake News Writers Not Sure Whether To Trust News That They Are Out Of A Job

12:00 pm
Fake News Writers Not Sure Whether To Trust News That They Are Out Of A Job

INTERNET — This past election cycle, a particularly contentious topic has been fake news sites, websites that intentionally provide misinformation to gullible readers on social media. Up until now, writing for a fake news site was quite easy, but reports of an increasingly cautious public has led bogus news writers […]

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