Refugee Crisis Erupts After Tumblr Bans Porn

January 14, 2019 7:00 pm
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FILE- In this Wednesday, July 29, 2015 photo, a Syrian refugee boy plays with a tire at Zaatari refugee camp, in Mafraq, Jordan. The United Arab Emirates on Wednesday, Sept. 9, 2015 defended its response to the Syrian refugee crisis in the face of criticism that the country and other oil-rich Gulf states should be doing more to address the issue. (AP Photo/Raad Adayleh, File)

Riots broke out yesterday evening on the borders of Twitter, DeviantArt, and other digital territories after Tumblr announced last month that it would be banning various kinds of pornographic content, ranging from female collarbones to BDSM tentacle extravaganzas. Crackdowns began on December 17, involving so-called “peacekeepers” knocking down the doors of families and individuals who affiliated themselves with the Porn Party. Those who hadn’t already fled the country face fines or public execution. Additionally, reports of police brutality have begun to proliferate—there are tales of administrative forces also expelling factions associated with art featuring nudity, for example, and censorship of all books that uses words like “fondle” or “boink.”

In the meantime, the mass exodus of over 20% of Tumblr’s population has created a massive refugee crisis for the countries closest to Tumblr. Allied nations like Pixiv and Newgrounds have declared that they will welcome as many Porners as they can feasibly hold, but problems have begun to arise as massive camps continue to spring up along borders. The customs officials of the aforementioned countries frantically try to process the unending waves of people seeking a new home in which to masturbate. These camps often have poor living conditions: no running water or electricity and poor sanitation make the tightly clustered groups a hotbed for infection with little space or relief for individuals’ needs. Drainage, especially, has proved to be an issue.

The United Net is currently in the midst of talks over whether or not Tumblr’s mass cleansing constitutes a human rights violation—after all, it has forced the relocation of millions of individuals whose way of life formerly depended on income generated through the country, and through dicks and boobs and stuff. If found guilty, it is expected that the UN will send one or even two strongly worded letters condemning Tumblr’s actions, after which nothing will change and the human race will screw itself into oblivion.

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