Post Tagged with: "vaden"

Vaden Offering Free Lobotomies as Stanford Enters Flu Season

October 22, 2018 7:00 pmComments Off on Vaden Offering Free Lobotomies as Stanford Enters Flu Season
Vaden Offering Free Lobotomies as Stanford Enters Flu Season

It’s about that time of year again: flu season! The time when students, while shotgunning NyQuil like it’s Natty Light, desperately curse their past selves for having taken 15 shots every weekend and played beer pong with cups that all of Stern Hall drank from. And while the common cold […]

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Meyer Library Drops 50 Tons, Feels Like a Whole New Building

March 5, 2015 9:00 amComments Off on Meyer Library Drops 50 Tons, Feels Like a Whole New Building
Meyer Library Drops 50 Tons, Feels Like a Whole New Building

Meyer Library has long been mocked by students, and has often been described as one of Stanford’s most unattractive buildings, earning the unfortunate nickname “UgLi”. This past fall, however, campus fitness staff launched a long-term plan to help the elderly library transform its image and become healthier in the process. […]

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Breaking News: Only Four Dead in Most Rewarding Dance Marathon Yet

February 18, 2015 9:00 amComments Off on Breaking News: Only Four Dead in Most Rewarding Dance Marathon Yet
Breaking News: Only Four Dead in Most Rewarding Dance Marathon Yet

Reporting that this year was perhaps the fundraiser’s most successful to date, coordinators for the popular Stanford Dance Marathon announced yesterday that they were able to raise over $1,000 for Partners in Health Rwanda—all while keeping fatalities at a record low. “Dance Marathon is an incredible opportunity for people to […]

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New Meditation Center Converted to Sexile Refugee Camp

October 16, 2014 8:00 amComments Off on New Meditation Center Converted to Sexile Refugee Camp
New Meditation Center Converted to Sexile Refugee Camp

Campus life took a depressing turn earlier this week, as sexiled freshmen began to set up camp in the Windhover Contemplative Center. This brand new building, established to facilitate meditation and tranquility for the greater community, has quickly devolved into a makeshift living space for displaced frosh. Just four weeks […]

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Vaden Unveils New Sexual Health Initiative: “Pee During Sex”

January 6, 2014 12:01 pmComments Off on Vaden Unveils New Sexual Health Initiative: “Pee During Sex”
Vaden Unveils New Sexual Health Initiative: “Pee During Sex”

The Sexual Health Peer Resource Center has been a strong proponent on campus of safe and informed sexual practices, striving to enable students to make healthy decisions and promoting a sex-positive culture. You probably know them as the guys who give you free condoms. This same organization was among the […]

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Ask a Delusional College Libertarian

November 5, 2012 12:00 pmComments Off on Ask a Delusional College Libertarian
Ask a Delusional College Libertarian

Dear Delusional College Libertarian,  Vaden’s new condom policy makes me feel inadequate. Are there really people who get laid 30 times a quarter? Sexless in Soto Dear Sexless, It’s a bummer that you aren’t getting any, but if you ask me, Vaden shouldn’t be giving any handouts at all. If […]

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The Double-Take: A Killer on the Rise

May 10, 2011 9:00 amComments Off on The Double-Take: A Killer on the Rise
The Double-Take: A Killer on the Rise

A recent study out of Stanford’s Psychology department has found that College Prowler’s new A+ rating of Stanford girls has been accompanied by a spike in the number of male students involved in bike accidents this year. “It’s really quite simple,” said Professor Farling Winston. “The male mind is driven […]

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Report: Freshmen Male Asked if He is Pregnant at Vaden

February 10, 2011 9:00 amComments Off on Report: Freshmen Male Asked if He is Pregnant at Vaden
Report: Freshmen Male Asked if He is Pregnant at Vaden

An embarrassed and shocked freshmen male was reportedly asked if he was pregnant when he went to Vaden Health Center last week for a cold. The freshman, Jessie Stern, was mistaken for a girl due to his feminine name and long, flowing hair. Vaden issued a press release this week […]

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Medical Marijuana Surfaces As Unlikely Swine Flu Cure; Swine Flu Cases Up 52%
 


October 4, 2009 1:14 pm0 comments
Medical Marijuana Surfaces As Unlikely Swine Flu Cure; Swine Flu Cases Up 52%
 


   The spread of swine flu is now outpacing CDC projections for Northern California, but semi-legitimate doctors from the region have found a cure: medical marijuana.  Andrew Wollengard was the first swine flu victim to seek a medical cannabis prescription.  “It was self-diagnosed,” Wollengard admits.  “I had been trying to […]

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Vaden Adopts “Laughter Is The Best Medicine” Policy

February 22, 2009 9:24 pm0 comments
Vaden Adopts “Laughter Is The Best Medicine” Policy
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