A recent study out of Stanford’s Psychology department has found that College Prowler’s new A+ rating of Stanford girls has been accompanied by a spike in the number of male students involved in bike accidents this year. “It’s really quite simple,” said Professor Farling Winston. “The male mind is driven mainly by instinctual response to sexual stimuli. It is actually physically impossible for a male to bike by a beautiful woman without turning his head.” Take the case of Bob Solomon, who considers himself a fairly even-keeled member of the community. “I don’t know what happened,” he admitted to The Flipside, “I had already passed the girl, and just couldn’t contain this irrational urge to look behind me, even though I’d probably never even meet her again or find out her name.” Vaden’s head trauma treatment center has proposed helmets as a possible solution to the problem, as they would serve the dual purpose of both diminishing the sexual attractiveness of women and protecting the noggins of men.

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