Ask a Delusional College Libertarian

November 5, 2012 12:00 pm
Views: 143

Dear Delusional College Libertarian, 

Vaden’s new condom policy makes me feel inadequate. Are there really people who get laid 30 times a quarter?

Sexless in Soto

Dear Sexless,

It’s a bummer that you aren’t getting any, but if you ask me, Vaden shouldn’t be giving any handouts at all. If rational individuals want to have sex, they should have to pay for it themselves. Speaking of which, prostitution should be legalized. If one consenting adult is willing to pay another consenting adult for sex, who am I to tell them they can’t?

Dear Delusional College Libertarian,

The line at the post office is so long, but I live in a dorm and can’t send packages there. What should I do?

Waiting in West Lag

Deal Waiting,

It’s not surprising that you have to wait at the post office. After all, it’s run by a massive and inefficient burueacracy supported by the bloated federal governemnt. If you want effective mail service, the whole industry should be privatized. Get the governemnt out of my mail!

Dear Delusional College Libertarian,

I’m living in a house this year and expected to pay social dues, but they’re ridiculously expensive. I’m not paying that shit!

Frugal in French House

Dear Frugal,

Yeah, fight the power! Taxation is slavery and we should abolish the Federal Reserve. Also, we should legalize competing currencies. If you want to want to pay for your textbooks in pot brownies, that’s your prerogative!

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