Brave ASSU Senator Takes Stand Against Font Size in Mass Email

The ASSU Senate exploded into conflict this Friday upon the release of…

ASSU Senate Bid Already Derailed by Whorehouse Scandal

Scandal has rocked the ASSU Senate race this year as prospective ASSU…

Bold, Innovative Campaign Poster Preventing Bladder-Shy Student from Peeing

Freshman and ASSU Senate Candidate Murphy Huggins knew that to stand out…

ASSU Matchmaker Pairs Entire Female Campus with David Gobaud

While organizers initially dubbed the premiere of the ASSU Matchmaker Service a…

Franken Relaunches Comedy Career, Changes C-SPAN into Comedy Network

By Stanley Waters WASHINGTON D.C.—In an unexpected act of brilliance, comedian Al…

ASSU Introduces Joint Resolution in Wake of Latest Squabble

After endlessly bickering over a 00 disaster known as the Welcome Barbecue,…