ASSU Introduces Joint Resolution in Wake of Latest Squabble

October 25, 2008 9:41 pm
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ASSU Introduces Joint Resolution in Wake of Latest Squabble

After endlessly bickering over a $2800 disaster known as the Welcome Barbecue, Senators Luukas Ilves ’09 and Yvorn Aswad-Thomas ’11 offered a joint resolution in the hopes of restoring collegiality and camaraderie among the divided student leaders. The resolution stipulated that a joint be passed around the chamber, with Senate Chair Tiq Chapa ‘10 partaking first. In Section 2, Ilves and Aswad-Thomas enumerated the ‘Puff-Puff-Pass’ principle, which will henceforth revolutionize how Senate meetings are conducted: “In the interest of fairness and timeliness, no Senator shall appropriate for himself more than two inhalations before passing the joint to the Senator at his left” (Section 2).

The resolution passed unanimously, and each Senator attended to its execution with the utmost zeal (with the exception of Jonathan McMaster ’11, who coughed “like a bitch” according to Chapa). Shortly thereafter, the Senators began work on a discretionary fund to allocate resources toward future joint resolutions as well as a fact-finding mission to Hampton, VA, where the recently reunited jam-band Phish will be performing in March 2009.