Post Tagged with: "Police"

France To Combat Domestic Violence By Kicking Muslim Women In The Shins

August 24, 2016 4:00 pmComments Off on France To Combat Domestic Violence By Kicking Muslim Women In The Shins
France To Combat Domestic Violence By Kicking Muslim Women In The Shins

Following the controversial enforcement of their ban on wearing full-body “burkini” swimsuits in order to “protect women’s rights”, the French National Police have announced that they will branch out in their crusade to defend women, this time combatting domestic violence by kicking Muslim women in the shins. “This is a […]

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Tired White Jogger Receives Police Aid

December 22, 2014 8:00 amComments Off on Tired White Jogger Receives Police Aid
Tired White Jogger Receives Police Aid

YONKERS, NY – Local police reports out of New York today show some much-needed progress for the currently maligned New York State Police Department as an area jogger was given a much-needed bottle of water and a warm blanket after suffering from a shortage of breath. Mary Lou Smith, 39, […]

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Hong Kong Protestors Resort to Violence, Umbrellas

October 8, 2014 8:00 amComments Off on Hong Kong Protestors Resort to Violence, Umbrellas
Hong Kong Protestors Resort to Violence, Umbrellas

Protests in Hong Kong reached a dangerous head this week, as various citizens have confronted police forces with devastating new weapons of mass destruction. The organized forces in the streets have demonstrated a new and violent penchant for destruction by brandishing umbrellas when confronted with peacekeepers’ nonviolent attempts to contain […]

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Adventurous Freshman Goes Out Without Bike Light

November 27, 2012 9:00 amComments Off on Adventurous Freshman Goes Out Without Bike Light
Adventurous Freshman Goes Out Without Bike Light

Reports have confirmed that, as incredulous and daring as it may seem, freshman Billy Pinkers biked away from his dorm last Thursday night without his bike light.  Even more shocking than the act itself is the fact that local authorities failed to apprehend the offender. After confessing to his crime […]

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SU Alert: Suspicious Finals Creep up on Students

March 16, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on SU Alert: Suspicious Finals Creep up on Students
SU Alert: Suspicious Finals Creep up on Students

A recent press release from the Stanford Police Department reports that a student awoke to find a broken window and a mysterious piece of paper lying among the shattered glass. Upon further investigation, it was identified as a prompt for a Comparative Literature final. This event is only one in […]

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2nd Grade Artistic Savant Crucial in Catching Stanford Robber

October 17, 2011 6:00 amComments Off on 2nd Grade Artistic Savant Crucial in Catching Stanford Robber
2nd Grade Artistic Savant Crucial in Catching Stanford Robber

North Park Elementary 2nd grader and renowned criminal sketch artist Joey Habman was the hero of last week’s Stanford police hunt. Police contacted the savant artist Habman, who has been drawing since at least kindergarten, to jot down the crucial details of the suspect’s profile. The victim of the robbery […]

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Stanford Police Reassess Priorities After Recent Crimes

April 17, 2011 9:02 amComments Off on Stanford Police Reassess Priorities After Recent Crimes
Stanford Police Reassess Priorities After Recent Crimes

Stanford, CA — Stanford Police are reevaluating their squad-car assignments and setting up night-time patrols after a pair of crimes committed in Escondido Village and Rains last week shocked the community. “To have two bicyclists go through this intersection without stopping in one week — it’s just unthinkable,” said frightened […]

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The Police Blogger: Computer Security and Recording Devices

May 30, 2010 3:50 pmComments Off on The Police Blogger: Computer Security and Recording Devices
The Police Blogger: Computer Security and Recording Devices

By Joe Phillips, Policeman I’m Joe, but you can call me the “Police Blogger.” No, that’s not what my friends call me, it’s just what I call myself. This is my first blog post, so excuse the typos and ramblings. Normally, in the paper you see the police blotter, where […]

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