A recent press release from the Stanford Police Department reports that a student awoke to find a broken window and a mysterious piece of paper lying among the shattered glass. Upon further investigation, it was identified as a prompt for a Comparative Literature final. This event is only one in a string of similar incidents involving finals creeping up on students this quarter.

Sophomore Meredith Atkinson speaks out: “I’d been having a weird feeling that something was following me for the past week. I went to sleep early last night because there wasn’t anything I really needed to do. But when I woke up this morning, this was taped to my window.” She produced a terms list Xeroxed on ghostly white printer paper. In the top right corner, covering the eerily blank line demanding a name, was a post-it reading “Hewlett 200, Friday 1 o’clock. Be there or fail.” Her roommate reports Atkinson yelling in her sleep absurdities such as “I won’t sign the honor code! No!” Her horror has led her to seek help for the coming week from professionals like resident tutors.

Authorities warn students to be on the look out for suspicious activity and lurking exams, to have a plan in place for emergencies and to always have safety precautions such as number-two pencil on hand.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…