Reports have confirmed that, as incredulous and daring as it may seem, freshman Billy Pinkers biked away from his dorm last Thursday night without his bike light. Even more shocking than the act itself is the fact that local authorities failed to apprehend the offender.
After confessing to his crime this weekend, Pinkers admitted he had believed the policemen would almost indubitably take notice to his offense, and was stunned when he crossed campus all but unnoticed. “It didn’t really occur to me, but I guess I’m actually harder to see without it. You should try sometime…it makes me feel kind of naughty.”
Sadly, it seems Pinkers’ rebellious ways have encouraged like-minded thrill-seekers, who have been longing for release after years of stellar behavior in high school. Whatever, just don’t get hit.