WASHINGTON – Earlier this morning, President Trump shocked both Democrats and Republicans alike when he announced from the White House Rose Garden that he’s giving up on the government shutdown, and his “kooky scheme” of building a border wall thanks to a late-night visitation by the spectral reincarnations of three […]

PALO ALTO, CA – In the last forty-eight hours, Albert Shurenberg, a longtime Palo Alto resident and certified Vehicle Clinician at Crazy Al’s Chrysler Confederation, has been “going off” on social media about how he is, in fact the second coming of Jesus Christ. His proof? Mr. Shurberg was born […]

Late last night, before the libtards could wake up and man their social justice warrior battle stations, the Stanford College Republicans announced that they would be inviting Adolf Hitler, former Living Nazi and current Ghost Nazi, to speak at Cemex Auditorium in early December as part of their ongoing “Controversial […]

Another year, another Halloween costume—and this time I’m dressing up as Mario “Spleen-Blaster” Manocchio, the rough-looking gentleman who saunters into my dad’s meat shop once a month to collect a brown paper bag full of hundred dollar bills, under the stipulation that if my dad doesn’t “pay up” he’ll find […]

Hey Allie, it’s little old me in room 323, and I’ve found myself in a bit of a pickle. You see, early this morning I was woken up by the sound of a thousand fists pounding on my door, along with various cries of “Shirt, Shoes, Keys, ID!” and “Death […]

Though unknown to many, Leland Stanford Junior University is broke, its endowment falling by over 80% over the last few years. This dramatic decline comes from two reasons: the extravagant budget for the increasingly lavish sex-positive programming that the university has been putting on in recent years, and the resulting […]

Hey y’all, I’ve run into quite the conundrum: I woke up hungover and happy after an epic time at Frost, only to realize that my beautiful juul, Vanesssa, was nowhere to be found!   I’m writing this in the hopes that one of my faithful readers noticed Vanessa, lying there […]

Studying abroad can be a great opportunity to get a change of pace and to experience new things, but spending months in a foreign country can also lead to homesickness and FOMO for your friends back on campus, especially during sunny Spring Quarter. Because of this, Stanford’s Counseling and Psychological […]

  That’s right folks, those internet trolls got me again, and this time it’s resulted in a pesky little problem: I’ve lost vision in both of my eyes. Last night, as I was browsing some of my favorite YouTube channels, which include Vox, NowThis and The Young Turks, I came […]

Parents visiting campus this weekend were met with a tasty surprise when Arrillaga Family Dining Commons — everyone’s favorite Michelin-rated temple to the culinary arts — added baby seal to its menu as a special Family Weekend treat. “We’re giving students and families exactly what they want: more high-quality, locally-sourced […]