In a shocking turn of events, Stanford Athletics received an official notarized letter late last night from the Microsoft Corporation informing them that their Outlook account would be shut down effective immediately due to the “dangerous and unprecedented level of hype” associated with their email blasts. The notarized letter from […]

Spring has sprung, and that means two things: Greek rush, and the hedonistic ingestion of bathroom and/or laundry-room products. First there was the toilet plunger, then of course the Tide Pods, and now the youth are “getting sudsy” and “blasting off” on the hitherto last uneaten artifact in the twenty-first […]

As the weather turns wet and the cracks in the road slowly begin to fill with puddles of water, mud and air-born amphibian spawn, a scourge of frogs has descended onto the campus of Leland Stanford Junior University. As students adjust to this new environment now teeming with toads, many […]

Dear Scott, I know you’ve only been my section leader for a couple of weeks, but you’re the only one I feel comfortable talking to about this. Something happened last night, in the wet darkness of my dorm room while my roommate slept, blissfully unaware. I was writing code in […]

WASHINGTON – Earlier this morning, President Trump shocked both Democrats and Republicans alike when he announced from the White House Rose Garden that he’s giving up on the government shutdown, and his “kooky scheme” of building a border wall thanks to a late-night visitation by the spectral reincarnations of three […]

PALO ALTO, CA – In the last forty-eight hours, Albert Shurenberg, a longtime Palo Alto resident and certified Vehicle Clinician at Crazy Al’s Chrysler Confederation, has been “going off” on social media about how he is, in fact the second coming of Jesus Christ. His proof? Mr. Shurberg was born […]

Late last night, before the libtards could wake up and man their social justice warrior battle stations, the Stanford College Republicans announced that they would be inviting Adolf Hitler, former Living Nazi and current Ghost Nazi, to speak at Cemex Auditorium in early December as part of their ongoing “Controversial […]

Another year, another Halloween costume—and this time I’m dressing up as Mario “Spleen-Blaster” Manocchio, the rough-looking gentleman who saunters into my dad’s meat shop once a month to collect a brown paper bag full of hundred dollar bills, under the stipulation that if my dad doesn’t “pay up” he’ll find […]

Hey Allie, it’s little old me in room 323, and I’ve found myself in a bit of a pickle. You see, early this morning I was woken up by the sound of a thousand fists pounding on my door, along with various cries of “Shirt, Shoes, Keys, ID!” and “Death […]

Though unknown to many, Leland Stanford Junior University is broke, its endowment falling by over 80% over the last few years. This dramatic decline comes from two reasons: the extravagant budget for the increasingly lavish sex-positive programming that the university has been putting on in recent years, and the resulting […]