Hey Allie, it’s little old me in room 323, and I’ve found myself in a bit of a pickle. You see, early this morning I was woken up by the sound of a thousand fists pounding on my door, along with various cries of “Shirt, Shoes, Keys, ID!” and “Death […]

Though unknown to many, Leland Stanford Junior University is broke, its endowment falling by over 80% over the last few years. This dramatic decline comes from two reasons: the extravagant budget for the increasingly lavish sex-positive programming that the university has been putting on in recent years, and the resulting […]

Hey y’all, I’ve run into quite the conundrum: I woke up hungover and happy after an epic time at Frost, only to realize that my beautiful juul, Vanesssa, was nowhere to be found!   I’m writing this in the hopes that one of my faithful readers noticed Vanessa, lying there […]

Studying abroad can be a great opportunity to get a change of pace and to experience new things, but spending months in a foreign country can also lead to homesickness and FOMO for your friends back on campus, especially during sunny Spring Quarter. Because of this, Stanford’s Counseling and Psychological […]

  That’s right folks, those internet trolls got me again, and this time it’s resulted in a pesky little problem: I’ve lost vision in both of my eyes. Last night, as I was browsing some of my favorite YouTube channels, which include Vox, NowThis and The Young Turks, I came […]

Parents visiting campus this weekend were met with a tasty surprise when Arrillaga Family Dining Commons — everyone’s favorite Michelin-rated temple to the culinary arts — added baby seal to its menu as a special Family Weekend treat. “We’re giving students and families exactly what they want: more high-quality, locally-sourced […]

In a stunning op-ed published yesterday, professor David Palumbo-Liu refuted recent claims by The Stanford Review that he is “hell-bent on blowing shit up and throwing mailboxes through windows in the name of antifa thugs.” Instead, the comparative literature scholar admitted that he is actually Megatron, leader of the Decepticon […]

It’s no secret, RA apps are competitive, but have I got an ace up my sleeve: that one time I totally blacked the fuck out and managed to hit up every single frat on the row. Everyone knows the RA selection process is an exact replica of the team selection […]

  I’ve been on Tinder for about a week now, and, although my location is clearly set to Palo Alto, California, I’ve exclusively been matched with a Kyrgyzstani yak herder’s daughter from the remote village of Abdykalyk. Given that Olga has consistently been my only match, I figured it couldn’t […]