Articles by: Robin Fierberg

Breaking: Stanford Athletics Emails Deemed “Too Hype,” Account Gets Banned From Outlook Servers

October 16, 2019 12:00 pmComments Off on Breaking: Stanford Athletics Emails Deemed “Too Hype,” Account Gets Banned From Outlook Servers
Breaking: Stanford Athletics Emails Deemed “Too Hype,” Account Gets Banned From Outlook Servers

In a shocking turn of events, Stanford Athletics received an official notarized letter late last night from the Microsoft Corporation informing them that their Outlook account would be shut down effective immediately due to the “dangerous and unprecedented level of hype” associated with their email blasts. The notarized letter from […]

Read more ›

Lame Rushee Refuses to Eat Bath Bomb, Doesn’t Get a Bid

April 9, 2019 7:00 pmComments Off on Lame Rushee Refuses to Eat Bath Bomb, Doesn’t Get a Bid
Lame Rushee Refuses to Eat Bath Bomb, Doesn’t Get a Bid

Spring has sprung, and that means two things: Greek rush, and the hedonistic ingestion of bathroom and/or laundry-room products. First there was the toilet plunger, then of course the Tide Pods, and now the youth are “getting sudsy” and “blasting off” on the hitherto last uneaten artifact in the twenty-first […]

Read more ›

Report: ‘Stanford Duck Syndrome’ Rebranded to ‘Stanford Frog Syndrome’ as Students Start Eating Live Frogs

February 19, 2019 7:00 pmComments Off on Report: ‘Stanford Duck Syndrome’ Rebranded to ‘Stanford Frog Syndrome’ as Students Start Eating Live Frogs
Report: ‘Stanford Duck Syndrome’ Rebranded to ‘Stanford Frog Syndrome’ as Students Start Eating Live Frogs

As the weather turns wet and the cracks in the road slowly begin to fill with puddles of water, mud and air-born amphibian spawn, a scourge of frogs has descended onto the campus of Leland Stanford Junior University. As students adjust to this new environment now teeming with toads, many […]

Read more ›

Dear 106A Section Leader: Karel Took My Virginity and I Think I’m Falling for Her

January 28, 2019 7:00 pmComments Off on Dear 106A Section Leader: Karel Took My Virginity and I Think I’m Falling for Her
Dear 106A Section Leader: Karel Took My Virginity and I Think I’m Falling for Her

Dear Scott, I know you’ve only been my section leader for a couple of weeks, but you’re the only one I feel comfortable talking to about this. Something happened last night, in the wet darkness of my dorm room while my roommate slept, blissfully unaware. I was writing code in […]

Read more ›

Trump Calls Off Government Shutdown After Visit by Ghosts of Three Honduran Migrants

January 14, 2019 7:00 pmComments Off on Trump Calls Off Government Shutdown After Visit by Ghosts of Three Honduran Migrants
Trump Calls Off Government Shutdown After Visit by Ghosts of Three Honduran Migrants

WASHINGTON – Earlier this morning, President Trump shocked both Democrats and Republicans alike when he announced from the White House Rose Garden that he’s giving up on the government shutdown, and his “kooky scheme” of building a border wall thanks to a late-night visitation by the spectral reincarnations of three […]

Read more ›

Report: Area Man Whose Birthday is on Christmas Thinks He’s Jesus

December 10, 2018 7:00 pmComments Off on Report: Area Man Whose Birthday is on Christmas Thinks He’s Jesus
Report: Area Man Whose Birthday is on Christmas Thinks He’s Jesus

PALO ALTO, CA – In the last forty-eight hours, Albert Shurenberg, a longtime Palo Alto resident and certified Vehicle Clinician at Crazy Al’s Chrysler Confederation, has been “going off” on social media about how he is, in fact the second coming of Jesus Christ. His proof? Mr. Shurberg was born […]

Read more ›

Report: Ghost Hitler to Be the Next Guest Invited to Campus in SCR’s Ongoing “Controversial Speakers” Series

November 5, 2018 7:00 pmComments Off on Report: Ghost Hitler to Be the Next Guest Invited to Campus in SCR’s Ongoing “Controversial Speakers” Series
Report: Ghost Hitler to Be the Next Guest Invited to Campus in SCR’s Ongoing “Controversial Speakers” Series

Late last night, before the libtards could wake up and man their social justice warrior battle stations, the Stanford College Republicans announced that they would be inviting Adolf Hitler, former Living Nazi and current Ghost Nazi, to speak at Cemex Auditorium in early December as part of their ongoing “Controversial […]

Read more ›

Op-Ed: I’m Going as Mario for Halloween, Not The Videogame Character, But The Guy Who Comes into My Dad’s Butcher Shop Every Month and Threatens to Break His Kneecaps if He Doesn’t “Do Right By Him”

October 29, 2018 7:00 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: I’m Going as Mario for Halloween, Not The Videogame Character, But The Guy Who Comes into My Dad’s Butcher Shop Every Month and Threatens to Break His Kneecaps if He Doesn’t “Do Right By Him”
Op-Ed: I’m Going as Mario for Halloween, Not The Videogame Character, But The Guy Who Comes into My Dad’s Butcher Shop Every Month and Threatens to Break His Kneecaps if He Doesn’t “Do Right By Him”

Another year, another Halloween costume—and this time I’m dressing up as Mario “Spleen-Blaster” Manocchio, the rough-looking gentleman who saunters into my dad’s meat shop once a month to collect a brown paper bag full of hundred dollar bills, under the stipulation that if my dad doesn’t “pay up” he’ll find […]

Read more ›

Dear RA: My Roommate Was Rolled Out For ISIS And I’m Not Sure What To Do

October 15, 2018 7:00 pmComments Off on Dear RA: My Roommate Was Rolled Out For ISIS And I’m Not Sure What To Do
Dear RA: My Roommate Was Rolled Out For ISIS And I’m Not Sure What To Do

Hey Allie, it’s little old me in room 323, and I’ve found myself in a bit of a pickle. You see, early this morning I was woken up by the sound of a thousand fists pounding on my door, along with various cries of “Shirt, Shoes, Keys, ID!” and “Death […]

Read more ›

Report: ‘Beyond Sex Ed’ to be Renamed ‘Bed Bath and Beyond Sex Ed’ after Massive Corporate Merger

October 1, 2018 12:00 pmComments Off on Report: ‘Beyond Sex Ed’ to be Renamed ‘Bed Bath and Beyond Sex Ed’ after Massive Corporate Merger
Report: ‘Beyond Sex Ed’ to be Renamed ‘Bed Bath and Beyond Sex Ed’ after Massive Corporate Merger

Though unknown to many, Leland Stanford Junior University is broke, its endowment falling by over 80% over the last few years. This dramatic decline comes from two reasons: the extravagant budget for the increasingly lavish sex-positive programming that the university has been putting on in recent years, and the resulting […]

Read more ›