Lame Rushee Refuses to Eat Bath Bomb, Doesn’t Get a Bid

April 9, 2019 7:00 pm
Lame Rushee Refuses to Eat Bath Bomb, Doesn’t Get a Bid

Spring has sprung, and that means two things: Greek rush, and the hedonistic ingestion of bathroom and/or laundry-room products. First there was the toilet plunger, then of course the Tide Pods, and now the youth are “getting sudsy” and “blasting off” on the hitherto last uneaten artifact in the twenty-first century toilette: Bath Bombs. Bath Bomb eating, or “BB Munching”, has quickly become the centerpiece of Stanford Greek recruitment this year, with events ranging from Bath Bomb eating contests to Bath Bomb gastronomy courses taught by the brothers.

This may seem perfectly reasonable to the outside observer, but the simple fact of the matter is that some frosh are simply too lame to actually eat Bath Bombs, unsurprisingly reducing their chances of getting a bid to practically zero. “I just don’t want to ingest something that’s supposed to go in a bubbled-water bath,” says Francis Dunkhouser, a frosh from Newcastle who might as well be burning his social future at the stake.

Lauren Lahoon, a Soto frosh with dreams of sorority success, told the Flipside that she felt “uncomfortably pressured” by the Delta Delta Delta sisters to put on a blindfold and lick 20 different “flavors” of Bath Bombs with the impossible task of selecting the one that tasted the most like “sisterhood.”

An IFC spokesperson released the following statement following Instagram videos of pledges vomiting multicolored foam while trying to get to know the brothers on a real level:

“The IFC would like to point out this this puking is completely NON-ALCOHOL related. Frosh are just having a little too much fun getting to know some of the coolest and most diverse (both racially and socioeconomically) students at Stanford!”

At press time, neither Mr. Dunkhouser nor Ms. Lahoon had received bids from any Greek organizations on campus, not even the Greek deli located underneath MemChu. Moreover, they have not had much greater success in the pre-assignment events circuit – the two have reportedly been blacklisted from Casa Italiana after refusing to eat a Roman candle.