As the weather turns wet and the cracks in the road slowly begin to fill with puddles of water, mud and air-born amphibian spawn, a scourge of frogs has descended onto the campus of Leland Stanford Junior University. As students adjust to this new environment now teeming with toads, many across campus have developed a voracious and unquenchable appetite for the sweet, rubbery flesh of live frogs. In order to accommodate the rampant accounts of “Frog Feasts” and “Polliwog Picnics” popping up all over campus, Stanford’s PR team kicked into overdrive last week, eliminating ‘Stanford Duck Syndrome’ in favor of ‘Stanford Frog Syndrome.’
“Frog Syndrome is a way of life,” says sophomore Jeff Milky, quickly slurping down a little frog phalange dangling from his lip. “I haven’t been to a dining hall in six weeks. Frog is truly a food for all meals: frog omelets for breakfast, frog sandwiches for lunch, and frog flambé for dinner. Oh and I almost forgot: frog froyo for dessert!”
Protests have erupted across campus this week as frog-eaters like Milky have taken strong issue with the stigmatization of their way of life through the proliferation ‘Stanford Frog Syndrome’ rhetoric. “Look, these kids are eating fucking frogs,” says an anonymous specialist in Stanford’s Public Relations department. “We have a responsibility to uphold the shining reputation of Stanford University, so we’re shifting away from glossing over campus sexual assault in order to focus all of our attention on this frog thing. We really need a win this year.”
As of press time, the ducks that hang out around Lake Lag were seen painting such slogans as “Take Back the Syndrome” and “Duck You, Man!” on cardboard signs. CAPS did not respond to a request for comment.