When the majority of undergraduate students were told to leave campus, ResEd vowed to pay student staff as they continue to perform their duties remotely. While all staff members are continuing to support their Stanford residents virtually, some are also taking their duties a step further. Donner RA Jasmine Douglas, for instance, has placed a bowl of condoms and candy outside her bedroom door to ensure that her parents practice safe sex.

“Once an RA, always an RA,” Douglas cheerfully told the Flipside in an interview conducted over Snapchat video-call to ensure maximum security. “I take this job seriously, and it extends beyond the boundaries of Stanford’s campus. Someone needs to make sure that no unplanned pregnancies or STIs are floating around — especially given the dangerous drinking culture in this house.”

After noticing her mom having a glass of wine with dinner last week, Douglas took her aside for a check-in. “I wanted to come to her as a peer. I mean, I remember those days of partying and binge-drinking, and just wanted to make sure she knew what she was getting herself into,” Douglas said. “I told her I’d have to get the RD involved if I saw her engaging in high-risk drinking behavior again, and I set up a an OAPE webinar for next week.”

Since the “big drinking incident,” Douglas has been hosting nightly on-calls where her parents can come bake cookies, sing karaoke, and enjoy a fun, sober night.

“But just because I’m an RA doesn’t mean I don’t go to parties every now and then,” Douglas confided. “It can definitely be awkward when I run into my parents during a kickback in our dining room, but I always stress that they should think of me as a friend first and an RA second.”

At press time, Douglas had shared concerns with us regarding the upcoming “Screw Your Roo” event she’s been organizing: “I’m just afraid my siblings are going to fuck.”

You May Also Like

In Response to “Buck Ferkeley,” Cal Launches “Seat Btanford” Merchandise

After witnessing the sales success of Stanford’s “Buck Ferkeley” merchandise, many of…

Op-Ed: Apparently I’m a Russian Sleeper Agent Because Reading “Fried Chick’n” at Stern Dining Made Me Black Out and Torture the Guy Behind Me

As a resident of Stern Hall, I treat myself to the luxurious…