Punxsutawney, PA—In the timeless tradition of groundhogs that have come before him, Punxsutawney Phil came out last Monday, February 2nd and saw his shadow. Meteorologists and environmentalists around the world are stirring after an event with such revolutionary implications.

“Do you know what this means for global warming?” said one prominent environmentalist and scientist Lawrence Vandermeer. “Poof. Gone. Done. Finito–There are six more weeks of winter coming up–and that’s not global warming!” Science also is planning on rethinking its theory to incorporate the whims of a rodent. “How can you believe in global warming when there are unerring methods of prediction like groundhogs?”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…