Recent reports indicate that best-selling romance author Nicholas Sparks has added another masterpiece to his collection of heart-wrenching tales of love gained and love lost. Lovingly entitled Dear John, You Cuckolding Jackass, it tells the remarkable story of two young unlikely kindred spirits who find their true selves in each other’s arms. Sadly, they are then are separated by the unneeded interference of a fucking asshole of a man, presumably with a tiny dick, John, according to the book’s dust jacket.

The male protagonist Nick, a young writer with an eye for life’s simple pleasures, meets Cathy, an over-scheduled and over-supervised damsel who’s ready to see the world for herself. Nick shows Cathy how to appreciate nature and the power of a hand’s soft caress. Cathy shows Nick the debilitating pain and righteous fury that comes with losing the one you love to some rich douchebag with a Harley and a gruff beard. The lovers’ quarrel turns to hatred and resentment as the couple comes to terms with lingering cloud of John’s stupid face.

Will Nick and Cathy ever be one once more? Will Cathy compromise all that she claimed to believe about life and love in pursuit of a truly obnoxious intrusion on her perfect romantic love story with Nick? Will Nick ever forgive Cathy for disrespecting their love with such horrific disregard for the happy ending they were sure to have? Sparks puts his heart and soul into this one, bringing forth tragic personal emotions, in a truly heartrending and surprisingly angry work.

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