As much of the country begins to reluctantly adjust to their disgust at the idea of a Trump presidency, Donald Trump himself has been busy making preparations for his administration’s transition to the White House. Chief among those preparations are choosing a presidential cabinet from a list of names copied from Al Gore’s nightmare journal, and tenderly grooming his white, white balls to be the 89th and 90th testicles to rest on the famous mahogany desk in the oval office.
Trump’s advisors have reported that there is nothing anyone can do about Trump placing his balls on the desk where countless historical bills signifying the success of the great American experiment have been signed into law, but those concerned can rest easy as the event will not be filmed. “We think it’s better if people just imagine Trump’s blond, gangly scrotum being the first thing after Barack Obama that touches the leather writing mat, the granite pen holder, the inside of the drawers,” said one top advisor. “It’s the perfect image to signify what this election will mean to the majority of the electorate who voted for Clinton, and we can’t wait to get started.”
“I’ll tell you, I can’t wait to put my balls on the places where so many of the other greatest balls have been: on the chair, on the desk, on the window sill. It’s gonna be great.” said our President-Elect in a statement to the Associated Press. “What would have happened if a man hadn’t been elected? Would we not have had my balls all over everything in the most powerful office in the world? Disgraceful.”
It remains to be seen how long the image of Trump’s balls resting lightly on the fine-grained wood of the desk will be stuck in the heads of Americans, no matter how awful it is, but they can rest assured that it will appear whenever they close their eyes for at least a week.