Midterms can be a trying time at Stanford, casting a shadow over the otherwise sunny paradise from week 3 until week 9. But for Emily Patrelle, midterms are one of the highlights of her quarter, every quarter. An active member of Kardinal Kink, the BDSM and sex-positivity club founded earlier this year, Patrelle admits her lifestyle may seem strange to others, but she simply cannot wait for midterms.

This reporter sat down with Patrelle right after a Math 51 midterm, amid the groans and complaints of her fellow students. “The midterm destroyed me, man,” sighed one, and, “Brutal. Just brutal,” said another. But Patrelle’s face was aglow. “That was incredible,” she gushed. “A big, thick, 10-page long midterm was just what I needed this week. Yeah it was hard, but that’s how I like it.”

When asked about her midterm schedule, Patrelle revealed she had another one just days later. “I’ve barely studied,” she confided, giggling. “I’ve been a bad student. A bad, bad student. And I need to be punished.” Patrelle emphasized that, despite the concerns of her friends and family, her academic decisions are not dangerous. “I always have a frank, open discussion with the professor on the first day of class, about whether or not I can handle the work, or if I’m stretching myself too thin. And furthermore, what two consenting adults do in the confines of a classroom really isn’t anyone’s business but their own.” At press time, Patrelle was waiting for her roommate to leave the room before starting a particularly tough physics p-set.

You May Also Like

Wow! Bernie Sanders Said He Doesn’t Like Anchovies and Now Conservatives Are Eating Pound After Pound of Salty Fish

With political polarization at a fever pitch, it sometimes feels like there’s…

Freshmen From SoCal Confused By Falling Sky Water

On Tuesday, Freshman Kristen Beltrone stepped outside of her dorm to find…