The lengthy litigation process regarding the now-infamous slaying of the letter i by Pixar’s famous desk lamp has finally come to a close. The judge at the Superior Court of Los Angeles ruled that the desk lamp is guilty of 15 charges, including first-degree murder, and will serve a life sentence without the possibility of parole.

Sources at Pixar revealed that the iconic Pixar desk lamp “felt nothing” after killing its colleague, i, in cold blood. “He just looked at us, all dumbfounded, almost maniacal. It’s like he couldn’t understand the gravity of what had just happened,” said John Vallaby, an animator at Pixar. “We tried to stop him. Believe me, we did all we could,” Vallaby added.

“He was a normal desk lamp, you know? A little quiet, but still, nothing out of the ordinary,” recalls the letter x. “Then one day, a and r were chatting with me about something when suddenly I hear a blood-curdling noise from my right…All…all I saw was the serif sticking out from underneath the lamp’s base…I’m sorry, I can’t say any more right now.”

When he was last seen, the desk lamp was bouncing into the back of a truck headed towards San Quentin State Prison.

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