STANFORD, CA–Last week, the ASSU voted on a bill that overruled changes to the bylaws of the BJA (Board of Justice Affairs) bill that were implemented without Senate input. In the same spirit, a member of the 15th Undergraduate Senate, who wishes to remain anonymous, recently introduced a bill onto his dorm room floor in which he and his roommate must give more than just a ten-minute notice regarding bringing a girl home for “fellatio-type intimacy.” The senator admits that his roommate “left him without any options,” when he received a text saying, “YO can I get the room for lil while?? [thumbs up emoji].” Leaving his Economics study guide on his desk, the unidentified freshmen awkwardly sat in the common room for 20 minutes before returning to his room, wary of overspray around the small double.

“It’s a little disturbing, really” said the senator. “When I signed the roommate contract that our RAs handed out, I wrote that a text ‘a little bit’ in advance was all I really needed. I wasn’t expecting that this would happen more than once a week, let alone multiple times a day.”

Using the same strategy as the ASSU last week, the unnamed senator has proposed a plan in which he will nullify the roommate contract that was established in the first week of the quarter and will replace it with his own plan. “It’s not really that convenient for me to get a text. I don’t always have my phone on me, but I’m usually working on my laptop. So the new mandatory procedure is to send an email with the title ‘BJ INCOMING!’ That’s a more efficient strategy than what we have now.”

Political experts agree that the new bill will likely pass, seeing as it needs 50% of the residents in the dorm-room to vote “yea.”

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