A recent Chicago University study suggests that the centuries-old belief that all Asians look alike may in fact be false.

A veteran research team headed by Professor Friedrich Winzenfaust worked tirelessly for dozens of hours comparing thousands of Asian faces for evidence of facial differences.

“We began with a basic photograph comparison algorithm, but our initial explorations were inconclusive,” said Winzenfaust. “We ended up having to use detailed laser scans to map high definition three-dimensional models of hundreds of Asian volunteers. Our hard work paid off when we found slight nanometer-level fluctuations in cheekbone structures.”

Jiro Okazaki, one of Winzenfaust’s data analysts, was especially optimistic about the prospects for follow up studies.

“Actually, I’m Satoshi. You can find Okazaki over there, next to the scan archives,” said Satoshi Iwaru, when mistakenly approached by a Flipside journalist.

“No, that’s Makanouchi. If you look over there, Okazaki is wearing a piano keyboard tie,” said Yoko Nakamura, when another Flipside journalist approached her.

“Why don’t you just let me take you to him?” she added.

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