Facebook Adds Ability To Share Masturbatory Habits With Friends

November 7, 2010 3:11 pm
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Facebook Adds Ability To Share Masturbatory Habits With Friends
Note: In the print edition of this week’s issue, we accidentally used a picture of Tyler Clementi, the Rutgers student who committed suicide. We did a random image search for a student, and we were unaware of who this person was. We regret the use of the photo.

Facebook, always looking for innovative ways to change the social norms, has added a new feature allowing users to record their masturbatory habits.

“I mean, masturbation is a huge part of life, and it’s time we recognize that,” said Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook. “Plus, this combines well with our new places and tagging feature, allowing you to tell your friends exactly where and to whom you are masturbating.”

At least some Facebook users are upset, however. Brett Marshall recently tagged his RA Stephanie in a post reading, “Just masturbating to Stephanie at the CoHo.” Unfortunately, Brett’s girlfriend Amy reacted poorly to that, and four minutes later, moved from being ‘In a Relationship’ to ‘It’s Complicated.’

“It’s just a sticky situation,” commented Brett, looking exasperated. “I mean, I’m not gonna lie about bustin’ a nut in the CoHo to Steph, cause she’s totally hot, but it doesn’t mean anything.”

Facebook has also come under fire for inadvertently outing some people. Sophomore Jake Burke recently tagged his best friend in a masturbation post, and when his friend found out, he confronted Jake, saying, quote, “Dude that’s so gay.” But Burke doesn’t see it that way. “Look, sometimes I masturbate to dudes. That doesn’t make me gay.”

Many users have been critical of Facebook’ s new feature, but Zuckerberg has noted that the ultimate masturbation responsibility falls with the masturbator.

“Look, you gotta know when to masturbate, and who to masturbate to. Facebook has always encouraged responsible masturbation, and this new addition is no exception. ”

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