Soap Running Out!

February 12, 2010 8:12 am
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Soap Running Out!

GOVERNOR’S CORNER –Fear and unrest have taken control of Apartment 205 of Suites-Jenkins after the six-man suite realized its supply of hand soap was dwindling. “We’re trying to make do,” says Cliff Crosland, one resident of the suite.  “When it was like a quartery full we re-filled it with water and got this soap/water mix stuff.  It’s working for now . . . but I don’t know how much more we can do that.”

The six suitemates have started to look for soap alternatives.  Old Union’s automatic hand-foamer recently went missing, casting suspicion on the sextuple. In responding to the accusation of theft, one suite-mate who requested not to be identified said, “I mean, yeah, we stole it. So what? ” University officials have elected not to investigate the theft. In justifying his decision, University Detective Brent Michaels explained, “Who cares? It’s just hand foam.”