By Stanley Waters

STANFORD—Last Thursday, in an act many have seen coming for over a decade, Stanford’s campus police department announced its decision to remove all stop signs from the Stanford campus. The initiative is designed to cut down on crime and ease the heavy workload on campus police. “Every day, we see student after student bike straight past stop signs without slowing down. This flagrant violation of the law can not be tolerated. To eliminate these traffic violations and maintain the rule of law, we will soon replace all stop signs around campus with the more logical ‘go’ sign,” reported Campus Police officer Charlie Jones.
The decision was met with widespread support across campus. “Biking around and seeing STOP signs is such a downer. That’s not the way I want to live my life, stopping every 300 feet. It will be so much nicer to be met with a word of encouragement as I move along,” said junior Mattie Collins.
In addition to decreasing traffic violations across campus, there is hope that the new signs will improve student academic performance by inspiring them to bike faster to classes. The new ‘GO’ signs will appear on campus starting next week.

You May Also Like

Lame Rushee Refuses to Eat Bath Bomb, Doesn’t Get a Bid

Spring has sprung, and that means two things: Greek rush, and the…

Student Brings 14 Pencils To Math Midterm Just In Case

Freshman overachiever Jessica Pan brought 14 pencils (4 Regular, 3 Mechanical, and…

Dining Hall Puts Morgan Freeman on MLK Day Posters

Stanford, CA — In an embarrassing incident Monday, staff members at the…

Study Finds Research Results Skewed By Students Looking For Beer Money

By Gregory Linsch STANFORD—The Stanford Psychology department just released the results to…