Top Five Matches I Got On Match18

April 30, 2018 12:00 pm
Top Five Matches I Got On Match18

Oh, hey there, Flipside-reading seniors. Sad because you didn’t get paired up with anyone through Match18? Sucks to suck, ‘cuz I matched with five total baddies with whom I’ll likely now pursue torrid, emotionally-fulfilling sexual relationships until graduation. Check them out! 1. Tammy Two-Toes Damn, what a catch! Ever since […]

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Admit Weekend Exclusive: How To Be A RoHo In 4 Easy Steps

April 24, 2018 7:44 pm
Admit Weekend Exclusive: How To Be A RoHo In 4 Easy Steps

Hosting a prospective freshman is no easy task, as any former room host can tell you. Not only are there logistical problems to keep track of, but there’s also the matter of performing: you want to be honest with them about what Stanford is really like, but also want to […]

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Heartwarming: When her school couldn’t afford to buy this teacher a gun, she paid for one out-of-pocket

April 23, 2018 11:30 pm
Heartwarming: When her school couldn’t afford to buy this teacher a gun, she paid for one out-of-pocket

Jackie Robinson Middle School in Queens, New York has been hit by multiple budget cuts over the last few years, so it’s no surprise that the school isn’t always able to afford basic classroom supplies. But while for some teachers that means just scraping by on what’s already available, English […]

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Vatican Labels New Testament “Fanfiction”

12:00 pm
Vatican Labels New Testament “Fanfiction”

The Holy See — In a shocking revelation Sunday morning, Pope Francis has announced that the entire New Testament is now, canonically, a work of fanfiction. “After extensive research and consultation with experts,” he explained from the balcony of the Vatican, “we have definitively concluded that the second half of […]

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Ram’s Head’s Production of “Chicago” Apparently Not New Study Abroad Program

April 17, 2018 12:00 pm
Ram’s Head’s Production of “Chicago” Apparently Not New Study Abroad Program

In what has been misleadingly marketed as “Stanford’s Newest Study Abroad Program,” the Ram’s Head Theatrical Society’s ongoing production of Chicago is startling audience members when they discover that entry into Memorial Auditorium does not, in fact, transport them 2165.1 miles northeast to the windy city itself. “False advertising really […]

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Campus struggles to put on air of carefree optimism in preparation for admit weekend

April 16, 2018 12:00 pm
Campus struggles to put on air of carefree optimism in preparation for admit weekend

It’s getting to be that time of year again: when thousands of admitted students and their family members descend upon campus. There’ll be talk of rival colleges, SAT scores, and dick/brain-measuring contests. Dining halls might even serve vegetables that aren’t steamed. But what all members of the Stanford community will […]

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Op Ed: I’m on an All-Caterpillar Diet and You Should Join Me!

12:00 pm
Op Ed: I’m on an All-Caterpillar Diet and You Should Join Me!

  Look, everybody has their favorite snack. For my roommate, it’s Hot CheetosTM, for my little brother, it’s FunyunsTM, but for me, it’s those dang dangling crittersTM that cover campus during this fateful quarter. Every time I bike past one, all I have to do is open up my yapper […]

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Pre-Med Student Fails Assignment After Mixing Up Yellow and Black Biles

April 13, 2018 4:45 pm
Pre-Med Student Fails Assignment After Mixing Up Yellow and Black Biles

Being a doctor is no walk in the park, but becoming one can sometimes be even harder. At least, that’s what pre-med Junior Ron Kanielo recently discovered after receiving a failing grade on a p-set for mixing up yellow bile and black bile. Kanielo’s class — BIO 203: Introduction to […]

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Op-Ed: I’m a Human Trapped in a Hamster’s Body and I’m Worried This Will Impact my Chances During Rush

April 9, 2018 12:00 pm
pets, mammal, sawdust, hamster, animal, rodent, fur, whisker, cute, paw, animals, domestic, close-up, fluffy, small, brown, hair, yellow, curiosity, mouse, paper, house, nose, female

Recruitment for Greek life on campus is starting up, and we all know what that means: my chance to be a part of the best and most exclusive social groups on campus is fast approaching. Here’s my concern though: while my mind and soul are human, my body is a […]

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Breaking: Voters Elect to Release Macriki From Her Hole

12:00 pm
Breaking: Voters Elect to Release Macriki From Her Hole

After a long and arduous campaign season, the votes are in. And what do you know: a majority of citizens across the nation have just chosen to release Macriki from her deep, dark hole! Macriki was sentenced to life without parole in her shame-pit for spitting in the eye of God, but […]

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