Articles by: Charlie Dexter

Report: Campus Rocked by Exploding-Butt-Related Deaths

February 21, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Report: Campus Rocked by Exploding-Butt-Related Deaths
Report: Campus Rocked by Exploding-Butt-Related Deaths

Stanford, CA – For months, the question of why so many people have died from their butts exploding has perplexed experts. In an in-depth report, we finally take a look at why the butts are exploding, how they’re exploding, and the impact the butt explosions have had on our community. […]

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Stanford Unveils New Science Library And It’s Very Sexy

January 23, 2017 12:01 pmComments Off on Stanford Unveils New Science Library And It’s Very Sexy
Stanford Unveils New Science Library And It’s Very Sexy

After months of work, construction on Stanford’s ‘Old Chemistry Building’ has finally been completed. The revamped structure is no longer solely for chemistry. The newly unveiled Sapp Center, as it is called, is a general science center and library for undergraduate students studying biology and mathematics, and it is also […]

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Letter To Students On Maintenance Of The Stanford Brand™

January 17, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Letter To Students On Maintenance Of The Stanford Brand™
Letter To Students On Maintenance Of The Stanford Brand™

Dear Stanford Student™, When you joined Stanford University™, you joined not only a brilliant, diverse, hotbed of innovation, but also a community that values self-expression above all else. As an administration, we support students in their out-of-the-box thinking and identities. In light of recent events, however, we would like to […]

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Op-Ed: I Used To Think Alcohol Was Cool But Now I Know It’s Wack AF

12:00 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: I Used To Think Alcohol Was Cool But Now I Know It’s Wack AF
Op-Ed: I Used To Think Alcohol Was Cool But Now I Know It’s Wack AF

By Mikey Fresh Listen peeps, I’m a student and I know what it’s like to want to drink alcohol. You’re at a bitchin’ party on campus, the DJ starts spinning Ludacris tracks, and there are hotties aplenty. Suddenly you look around and other students are holding red solo cups filled […]

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Study: Everyone Else Is Doing Way Better Than You In Every Way

November 28, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Study: Everyone Else Is Doing Way Better Than You In Every Way
Study: Everyone Else Is Doing Way Better Than You In Every Way

A research team at the Stanford psychology department recently completed a two year study on you and every single other person. After a comprehensive review of the results, the research team concluded that everyone else has it better than you in every single way, most likely because you suck so […]

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Quote of the Week 10/31

October 31, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Quote of the Week 10/31
Quote of the Week 10/31

“Look at what we got our Hanes on now: NAZI GOLD!” – Hanes Marketing Team on an adventure In Argentina

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SHPRC Plundered By Sex Pirates

October 17, 2016 12:01 pmComments Off on SHPRC Plundered By Sex Pirates
SHPRC Plundered By Sex Pirates

Announcing their arrival by firing a cannon across the entrance to the Vaden Health Center, chaos descended on the Stanford Sexual Health Peer Resource Center last Friday afternoon with the arrival of the dreaded Sex Pirates. “If ye value yar miserable lives, hand over all yar flavored water and silicone […]

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Freshman Just Wondering If RCC Can See Everyone’s Internet History

October 3, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Freshman Just Wondering If RCC Can See Everyone’s Internet History
Freshman Just Wondering If RCC Can See Everyone’s Internet History

As week two begins, many freshmen are settling in on ‘The Farm’. For some new students, like Otero resident Gabe Evans, there remain many questions about living in a dorm. In particular, Evans is curious about resident computing. More specifically, Evans is curious whether or not his RCC can see […]

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Brilliant Young Professor About To Get Nailed By Football

May 23, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Brilliant Young Professor About To Get Nailed By Football
Brilliant Young Professor About To Get Nailed By Football

STANFORD – Professor Mitchell Eisenberg is one of the world’s top experts in neural networks, but he’s so much more than a brilliant computer scientist. He founded a startup that teaches computer science to impoverished youths. He’s an expert on 20th century American history. And he’s about to get nailed […]

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Freshman In Draw In For A World Of Pain

May 16, 2016 12:01 pmComments Off on Freshman In Draw In For A World Of Pain
Freshman In Draw In For A World Of Pain

On May 19th, when the draw results are released thousands of Stanford students will be sorted into Stanford’s many housing options. For many lucky students, the draw is a time of optimism for the year ahead. For freshman Mitchell Dougan, however, the draw will be the gateway into a world […]

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