After months of work, construction on Stanford’s ‘Old Chemistry Building’ has finally been completed. The revamped structure is no longer solely for chemistry. The newly unveiled Sapp Center, as it is called, is a general science center and library for undergraduate students studying biology and mathematics, and it is also incredibly hot and sexy.

“We showed the Stanford Board of Trustees the original plans and they said ‘make it sexier!’ and we made it very sexy,” said Margaret Rector, the head of architecture and renovations on the Sapp Center. “But it still wasn’t sexy enough, so we made it even more lush and sexy. And then the Board  said ‘Ok, that might be sexy enough.’ But we knew they were actually disappointed and they wanted it to be even sexier, so we pumped up the sexiness even more, and that’s what Stanford undergraduates will get to experience.”

The outside of the Sapp Center is adorned with some of the greatest scientists of all time, including Louis Pasteur, Charles Darwin, and George Washington Carver all locked in passionate embrace with one another to symbolize the collaboration of scientists through the ages. A blacklight-lit  “Love Lab” will allow undergraduate researchers to kick back and have sex while at the extremely, extremely sexy Sapp Center.

Stanford President Marc-Tessier Lavigne gave a speech at the ribbon-cutting ceremony for the Sapp Center, saying, “I have only been at Stanford for a short time, but I can comfortably say that no building will ever give me a big ole boner as frequently or as heartily as this very sexy Science Center.”

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…