Month: October 2020

11 posts

The First Presidential Debate Was Too Hot for Television

Tuesday night’s debate was rife with more sexual tension than Ghislaine Maxwell…

Op-Ed: Yikes! I Accidentally Joined My Professor’s Divorce Zoom Call and Now I Have to Act Like His Emotionally Traumatized, Estranged Daughter So He Doesn’t Lose His House

Uh oh! When my linguistics professor sent out an email with only…

NFL Players Nonchalant About Daily Risk of Crippling Head Trauma Weirdly Terrified By COVID

As American sports begins the slow process to reopening and getting back…

The LORD Divideth Not the Rind from the Flesh. So Sayeth the LORD, Eat the Watermelon in Whole.

As it is written in the Scripture, the LORD maketh all the…

I asked my mom to simulate a freshman year dorm experience and she single-handedly crippled the relationships with my high school friends and peed on my bed at 3 in the morning

Government promises to stick glowing vial of untested liquid into your arm by Thanksgiving

Op-Ed: To Ensure My Vote Counts I Nailed A Copy of My Ballot to Every Door in My State Capitol

You heard me right. With all the damn kerfuffle around ballots and…

Government Returns Stolen Mailboxes With Teeth, Sentience

Following the mysterious removal of post office boxes across the nation, the…

I Was Going to Let My Daughter Draw on Our Walls So She Could Express Herself, But Her Composition Was Shit and She Clearly Doesn’t Grasp Proper Symmetry So I Bleached the Walls

My daughter somehow found the crayon set I bought when I decided…