The First Presidential Debate Was Too Hot for Television

October 16, 2020 12:59 pm
The First Presidential Debate Was Too Hot for Television

Tuesday night’s debate was rife with more sexual tension than Ghislaine Maxwell in a room filled with underage girls. Even I was starting to get hot and bothered by the incessant, back-and-forth flirting. After all, you know what they say–when a boy is mean to you, it just means he really likes you.

Despite what the media wants you to think, this can’t come as a surprise–after all, elections are just a public way to decide who’s on top, anyway. Google searches for “Biden Trump enemies to lovers fanfic” increased well over 1000% after the debate; the passion between our modern American Romeo and Juliet was palpable in the way they spoke to one another.

You probably have seen in highlights that Biden asked Trump “Would you just shut up already, man?”, but you might’ve missed that Biden immediately followed that with “So I can kiss you already!” Later, in a discussion on health care, Trump mentioned that Biden’s party would “dominate him”–you could simply hear the jealous despair in his voice! Biden then went on to express the sheer plight he went through to be united with the president. “The fact of the matter is, I beat Bernie Sanders, I’m here standing facing you buddy”, he said, pausing thoughtfully to follow it with “ready to embrace you with all of my tender heart”.

I honestly just can’t believe that Chris Wallace got to be in the room where it happened–who knew political voyeurism was such a lucrative profession.

As a final sanguine thought, I can only hope that the next debate exudes such heartbreaking romance, and that 2020’s Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet will eventually be united, despite all odds.