Democrat Who Just Showed Up To First Protest Doesn’t Understand Why Its Platform Is Different From His

January 30, 2017 12:00 pm
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Hundreds gather at Daley Plaza for an anti-Trump rally on Inauguration Day, Jan. 20, 2017. | Ashlee Rezin/Sun-Times

Reports have come in that during one of the many rallies that took place over the past two weeks, sophomore Junior Milicic “really gave it a shot, guys,” but was confused by the presence of demands not directly consistent with those of the Democratic Party.

“I got to the protest, and there was this girl holding up a sign that said ‘No Trump’ and I was like, ‘ok, cool’. But then I kept reading, and saw it said ‘No Imperialism’, and I was confused for a bit, honestly not sure where I stand on that, but then I kept reading and it said ‘No Capitalism’ and that is where I decided that I’d done enough reading for the day.”

Milicic, who specifically requested that it be mentioned that he worked for the Hillary campaign, expressed concern that the protest was endorsing positions not supported by the Democratic Party. “Look, all I’m saying is that here we’ve got some things that everyone can agree are a good idea, and they are the Democratic party’s platform. In its entirety.” Milicic also remarked that he understands that these are “trying times” and that “we all need to band together to beat Trump”, but that this also means that “it’s no time for ideological purity.“

As of press time, Milicic was seen wondering aloud why they always said “oppression” so much, “like, what does that even mean?” At press time, several members of the organization that hosted the rally said that they were willing to explain their stances to Milicic, but only if he asks them nicely.